Drama Queen
What kind of person calls her own sister a "Drama Queen" while she is grieving the death of her child??? The same kind that disowns the eldest sister for supporting the "Drama Queen". What kind of man refuses to attend the funeral services of his first grandchild because of the way her mother, the "Drama Queen" dressed her??? What kind of woman marries a man with 2 children then systematically destroys her husbands relationship with them???
I am so f**king mad!!! I have come so far, suffered so much, survived so much...yet my father, step-mother and step-sister inspire such hatred, such vitriol...It actually makes me feel sick, literally sick, like I need to vomit for hours, get out all the poison they forced into me my entire life.
There is so much I was never allowed to speak of...as a child I had no choice but even as a grown woman I bought into the belief that as long as I pretended everything was okay it would be okay...I had to keep up the facade, because it was much too painful to look behind the curtain, not to mention embarrassing...how humiliating it would be to have people know how I had been treated. So I kept showing up at holidays, kept smiling for pictures, kept pretending. It was bad enough to treat myself that way, to let myself be treated that way...but I brought my child into the whole damn nightmare. I taught her to call the evil step-mother "Granny"... and slowly but surely she came to experience the same treatment, albeit in very small increments of time.
I wrote previously that I believed the ill treatment I had suffered in my early years influenced the kind of mother I became, to the detriment of my precious child. I still believe that...but I believe the worst thing of all was the silence, the secrets...we are very resilient, we can recover from most things, but you WILL NEVER RECOVER until you open your mouth and talk about your pain, scream about your pain. It has to come out, if necessary, over and over again.
I have lived much too long hiding secrets, worrying about how exposing lies would hurt others. I am tired of worrying about others. I am trying to survive the most horrible thing a mother can go through...I am going to do whatever I have to do.
I am so f**king mad!!! I have come so far, suffered so much, survived so much...yet my father, step-mother and step-sister inspire such hatred, such vitriol...It actually makes me feel sick, literally sick, like I need to vomit for hours, get out all the poison they forced into me my entire life.
There is so much I was never allowed to speak of...as a child I had no choice but even as a grown woman I bought into the belief that as long as I pretended everything was okay it would be okay...I had to keep up the facade, because it was much too painful to look behind the curtain, not to mention embarrassing...how humiliating it would be to have people know how I had been treated. So I kept showing up at holidays, kept smiling for pictures, kept pretending. It was bad enough to treat myself that way, to let myself be treated that way...but I brought my child into the whole damn nightmare. I taught her to call the evil step-mother "Granny"... and slowly but surely she came to experience the same treatment, albeit in very small increments of time.
I wrote previously that I believed the ill treatment I had suffered in my early years influenced the kind of mother I became, to the detriment of my precious child. I still believe that...but I believe the worst thing of all was the silence, the secrets...we are very resilient, we can recover from most things, but you WILL NEVER RECOVER until you open your mouth and talk about your pain, scream about your pain. It has to come out, if necessary, over and over again.
I have lived much too long hiding secrets, worrying about how exposing lies would hurt others. I am tired of worrying about others. I am trying to survive the most horrible thing a mother can go through...I am going to do whatever I have to do.
Replies
What kind of sister...the kind that you ignore and reach instead for people that lift you up. Been there with brothers that cry at your son\'s funeral and ask to be friends in public, then pick you and your thoughts apart in private...I just say enough..life is too short for crap. Love and prayers girl...Lauri
What kind of person calls her sister a drama queen when she is grieving the death of her child? A very fortunate person who\'s never had to experience such an unimaginable nightmare. Continued blessings to her that she may remain ignorant in her own happy bubble. I\'m sorry, sweetie. i wish we could all be that ignorant sometimes. Pati
That is unbelievable that anyone would call you a Drama Queen. Sometimes I think families hurt us more than they help us. Sisters can be so critical - like they know how we should be acting and that we should be \"over\" the death of our child. I still get so mad when I think how one of my sisters treated me and most of my life I just took it. You have been thru the worst thing a Mom can go thru. Please take care of yourself and I am hoping for you a little peace....Nell
It is time to cut them all loose. I did it and it has helped me enormously. Of course, I am made out to be the bitch. I don\'t care. In your circumstances, don\'t you think you daughter was smart enough to see some of the crap (trying to keep it clean here) even if nothing was said. Even through your body language? Kids are really really smart and they pick up on things. I always knew my son was smart enough to figure out what kind of person his sperm donor was...I didn\'t say anything, he figured it all out at about 10 or 11. She could have easily been picking up on things unspoken. Like I said - let them go....they are not and apparently never have done you any good - at all. You do need a support team...not a tear you down team. Can you move away from them? I would - but that is me. I have a very small group of wonderful supportive friends who crack someone across the face with a baseball bat before they would let anyone speak to me like that or hurt me in anyway. It doesn\'t have to be done but I know they are there for me...BUT I am also there for them. I would walk through fire for them. Find you lightning rods - and let them protect you at this crucial time.
I don\'t have a sister so I don\'t know but I see this type on here every once in awhile. I like the way \"forhim1122\" looks at this question. Bless those who never go through this! (My stepmom has also lost a child, she seems to understand.)
I wear a cuff bracelet on my wrist that has elephants on it. Elephants grieve all their lives and as they journey back and forth, they fondle the bones of the dead. This bracelet reminds me that it is okay to keep grieving. I even bought two more in case I lose this one or it breaks. They are not expensive.
We are here for you, Gina when such outside influence indegragates you.
Hugs, Leda
It is very hard to be understood. That\'s why we write here. Our suffering is not shared, but then, we don\'t have to understand their nastiness. Love, Abby
A person that says such a thing is one who is the drama queen and needs the spotlight on her...
You are healing, doing your best and to waste any more of your precious life force energy on those who do not want to change their way of being or thought forms is futile. When my dad was married to step mother #1 my sister did see my dad for ten years and every time I did I would throw up. I had to distance myself from my dad during that time and thank goodness I could. It has taken us years and we still limp along many days to rebuild any kind of relationship that serves both of us.
Keep getting it out as you are Gina and don\'t take any of it back. Surrendering it is what you are doing and coming to a point of simply not caring what anyone thinks of you as all that is important is that you know the kind of woman that you are.
Take care of yourself as you are trying to do and try to surround yourself with those who lift you rather than try to tear you down.
Gentle care and I\'m so very sorry that you have to deal with this kind of treatment from your family... They must feel awful about themselves to be spewing forth such negativity.
With you and caring~
XO Joanie
Sending you some vibes of peace hoping they circle you and keep out all the negatives. Each day can be uplifting or a nose dive. Lets lift each other up. Hugs, Kathy
Scream, curse, throw dishes (old ugly ones) and punch pillows!!!! Yes, the negative energy must be released!!
I\'ve never felt so free as when I finally cut all ties to my father. I tried for years to be a \"good\" daughter. I played the role so well in fact, even my bff never knew the full truth back then.
Like you, I am SO over pretending and secret keeping, drama, and bullshit! I deserve better and by george I will have better!!! I\'m worth it, and so are you darling!!
You set your boundaries and live by them. If others can\'t support you, uplift you, encourage you, and truly LOVE you; if all they can do is hurt you, upset you, steal your joy you\'re fighting so hard to find; it is time to set yourself free of them. Just MY opinion!
And it doesn\'t have to be a big showdown....all you really have to do is stop. Stop showing up, stop communicating; just stop. And when/if asked why, be honest and say, \"because I deserve to be treated better than you are capable of treating me\".
I love you, you \"drama queen\"!! LOL!
I have said it before and will say it again. Sometimes you need to divorce your family. Get those feelings out! I can\'t imagine how hard it is to grow up in such a toxic environment.
I am sure you are helping others by sharing your story and hopefully young people in your position will benefit by it. My niece was a twin. Her sister was favoured. When she and her sister had children, her sister\'s were doted on and Liz was ignored. The fact is that the whole family is messed up. It would take a week to explain it all. I think I journaled about some of it. I am going home for a few days next month to see my sister who is suffering from Dementia. When she is gone, my trips to Thunder Bay will be done.
So hang in. You did the best you could do at the time. Please don\'t beat yourself up. Put the blame where it belongs. Get the anger out and carry on doing what you do so well. Caring for your fellow humans.
Love and huge hugs,
Marlene
Drama Queen really ....wanna walk in our shoes...not so much...I LOVE YOU!!! I love to read your thought keep them coming!! gretcho
THIS SO CALLED FAMILY YOU HAVE ARE JUST CRUEL. THEY HAVE NOT WALKED IN YOUR SHOES THEY HAVE NO IDEA HOW YOU ARE FEELING . IT SOUNDS TO ME YOU AND YOUR FAMILY MOST LIKELY HAVE SO MANY UNDERLYING PROBLEMS IT WOULD TAKE ALOT OF COUNSELING TO GET TO THE ROOT OF YOUR FAMILYS TROUBLES. I ALSO HAD A HORRIBLE CHILD HOOD BUT MY MOTHER AND I WERE REAL CLOSE... I LOVED MY MOM SO MUCH II FOUND HER DEAD I WAS 22 SHE WAS 42... TO ME MY LIFE ENDED. SHE LOVED ME UNCON DITIONALLY AS I LOVED MY DAUGHTER. YOU LOVED YOUR DAUGHTER TO BUT I MADE MISTAKES IN RAISING MY DAUGHTER AND I HAD NO SUPPORT AFTER MY MOM DIED ROZ WAS ONLY 5. I WAS JUST LOST AND MY SISTER AND I WERE NOT CLOSE AT ALL.. I STOPPED SEEING HER OR TALKING TO HER FOR 12 YEARS. I HAD TO MFOR MY OWN SANITY. I THINK YOUR SISTER SAYING \"WHAT A DRAM QUEEN AND YOUR DAUGHTER JUST DIED IS A BIG CRUEL BITCH TO ME. I GUESS SHE NEVER LOST A CHILD. HANG IT UP WITH HER (DO YOU NEED HER) HANG OUT WITH HER? DO YOU EVEN LIKE HER? IS SHE YOUR BLOOD SISTER ? WHERE IS YOUR REAL MOM? SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST CRUEL. BLESS YOUR SPECIAL ANGEL HUGS MARY ANN
When she walks the walk then and only then can she have an opinion, Grief is not worn on our sleeves it burns our heart. Like others have said remove your self from her drama to you can heal.
I do hope you are doing better. Sending you peace and love
Hugs Penny
Yes Mary Ann...I am very close to my mother and my older sister...and I have just had to accept that my father, step-mother and little sister are assholes. I don\'t speak to them anymore but things my little sister says gets back to me and then I have never forgiven for their atrocious behavior when I lost Cassi. Waking up in a nightmare...seeing my baby in a casket...hysterical and broken...the man I hero worshipped most of my life??? His first words were, \"We have to do something about her shirt\"...sigh...I know I keep going over this, but I am not ready to let go of it yet.
Preach on. My step daughter. My step son. Has called me every name in the book. Their father has never stood up for me. My Son dies neither my Step-daughter or Step- son if I should even call them that have even in almost 5 years said Sandi, I am sorry you loss your son...I hope God does not hold it against me but I can not after almost 5 years forgive them. What type of person can not say I am sorry you lost your son. My husband children.