done

I cant take this anymore. I broke up with tanner for the last time and now im apparently a slut when i didnt do a fucking thing. Im always exhausted. my fucking meds arent working right. I cry so much, feel so helpless. I am 157 Days clean from cutting but thats all i think about lately. Ive had two close calls this week with a blade in my hand and i just cant deal with anything. i want to just disappear and never come back. no kne would miss me anyways. Fuck everything. on the plus side i have lost 6 lbs in the last two weeks without doing anything different but taking my meds. but my nightmares have come back. bleh. sorry about the horrible writing style of this journal, i just dont even care anymore.