Don't feel up to doing anything...

It was such a mistake to think that I would be able to have a fun night and drink with friends... I feel like such a failure and I don't feel up to do anything... I woke up early this morning, I was in excruciating pain so I stayed in bed and ended up deciding to skip school today... I just don't feel up to do anything anymore... I stayed in bed till almost 1:30pm and I only got up because I had to let my dog out... There's only one person I want to see....but my best friend hates him and has pretty much "forbidden" me from seeing him again... I went out with this guy, and we had such an amazing day and ended up stargazzing... I had so much fun and for the first time I actually felt like I was going to be okay, but my best friend actually gave me an ultimatum... I had to choose between my best friend and a guy that took me out on an amazing date and made me feel alive again.. I chose my best friend, but I fought him on it.. and even still the two guys are fighting about it with one another.. This guy took me out for a hangover lunch, then we met up again later on in the evening and went for dinner and for a late night stroll through a nature reserve area, we listened to the wild-life and looked out on the lake.. continued our walk and ended up at a 'beach' in the nature reserve and we layed down and just looked at the stars by the water.. It was so peaceful and for the first time I felt like my old self.... for the first time i wasnt weighed down by this depression that's always been a part of me..always been under the surface. I'm really good at hiding my true feelings... I'm good at putting on a smile and acting like everything is okay even when all I want to do is lay in bed and cry and sleep.. I love school...but I've found this past term I have skipped so much just because I don't want to go, I don't feel up to it... I just don't have the strength anymore. I'm so embarrassed by my actions that I haven't been able to tell my friends what's going on with me.. I did this to myself... I got drunk when I shouldn't have... I drank when I wasn't ready... I messed up and now I'm stuck... I'm stuck in this severe depression and I can't get out... and I don't want to do anything... but i have homework to do, a paper and a lab report to write... presentations to prepare for... I just want to crawl into a hole and drink away the pain.... I wont...at least I'll do my best not to.