Doing okay, just in a lot of pain (wrote a few days ago)

Haven't been on on in a while... I miss writing, i really do.. But I have been in excruciating pain; I went back to the doctor, they said I have carpal tunnel syndrome... My life is falling apart and all I want is to write and write but I'm not allowed. Even now I am in excruciating pain, but I felt I needed to write something quickly. I'm doing okay, but I'm beaten down and exhausted. I'm trying to have fun again, I refuse to leg the darkness and bi-polar disorder consume me and my life. I just need to have some fun again. 
 
 
I'm doing a bit better since I wrote that, I'm feeling a bit happier than I was, I've made plans to see some of my best friends again and just try to get out and have some fun. I'm still in excruciating pain, completely crippled from it, I've been losing feeling in my fingers, I get shooting pain up my arms and into my hands, I lose strength in my hand sometimes which results in an inability to grip.. needless to say I drop stuff and am unable to pick things up some times... It's really frustrating, and painful, but I'm getting testing done at the end of April and after that I will likely be getting surgery for my right wrist especially.