Digital Me
Just got back from a wonderful trip to san francisco. Some strange things have happened on this trip but it was nice to be away for a few days.
A few weeks ago, while meditating, My younger self (lets call her Belle) showed up to our daily meeting as a digital image. LIke princess Lea in the original star wars movie when she was projected from R2D2. I wondered why Belle was doing this - but the rest of us decided to smile and enjoy her as she came. Yesterday - I saw Belle spinning rapidly as her true self. I've seen her do this before. She spins like a projector wheel and she spins so fast that she creates a false image of herself. Like a movie on a screen. I saw her create the digital image of herself as she spinned. Her true self was really in the center of the spin - sad/ crying. While the digital Belle was sassy, danced and was prideful. The projected image turned to Belles true self and told her to shut up because digital belle thought real Belle would ruin Digital belles ability to be famous. Was it my ego that repressed the bad memories and created a false self to move forward? I often feel tired from belles spinning. I feel like it's hard to see the real belle through all the commotion and noise. But I am very much trying to get to her. I'm not quite sure to do about digital Belle.
Replies
As I am starting this inner child work after being triggered into it this makes so much sense to me. Thank you for sharing, this made so much sense to me in such an easy to understand way. You do such good work with it.
I am glad your trip was good. I loved San Francisco. It was one of my last good childhood memories.
Another beautiful and impressive journal entry from you, Nikkole. I think I need to come back and reread this later to try to understand it better. I agree with Doo - you do such good work. And you express yourself with great poetic beauty as well.
What a beautiful connection you have with Belle. My first thought about the projected image was that the real Belle, in the center who is crying, is projecting a happy peaceful self out to the world so she is not seen in her pain. Many of us put on a false face of happiness so we would not be hurt further and I wonder if this may be what Belle is doing. The fact that she is showing you the core Belle who is hurt and crying shows a lot of trust. Is it possible for you to reach through the spinning image and touch the real Belle? Hold her hand or actually just simply touching her so she knows she is real may do the trick. Maybe let her know that the core Belle is beautiful and if she lets you help her she can be the one who is dancing and feeling great pride in who she is. She is now safe and can be herself. She no longer needs to put on a brave happy face to stay safe.
Was it your ego that repressed the bad memories? I had this conversation with my therapist not that long ago and she said that it is the ego that prevents us from remembering today. We are scared to remember so our ego prevents us from remembering. But she did indicate that it was not the ego that made the memories disappear in the first place.
You are doing a great job with your inner children which can be seen by them coming forward and trusting you with their truth. (((Hugs))) to all.
Doo, DonnaWanda and LuckyEmpath - thank you so much for your very much appreciated feedback. Doo - Im also a huge fan of San Fransisco - what a beautiful city! Donnawanda - I did come back and read this - thanks for the beautiful commentary. LuckyEmpath as always, your wisdom is so incredibly helpful. thank you all :)