Difficult

It is difficult to run a business with a personal PTSD handicap. It is even more difficult to do when I forget that I am handicapped, throw all caution to the wind & just go for it - just to wake up one day with this horrible suffocating, partially dead feeling inside of me & million voices. A million poisonous voices that sing about how I'll surely fail, how I've obviously got no money, because obviously everything I do turns out a failure. Oh my word - Why do I have to do this again?

A small tiny voice inside of me fights back saying - every small business has cashflow problems sometimes, I mean look how far we've come - we have 60 clients - that is a lot more than some other accountants starting out. But then why does failure feel so real? "Success" feels so unreal. The good times are okay, but the bad times are really, really bad. And I get really, really tired and very, very judgemental.

Most of the time, whether it is going well or not I think, I think of myself as a dog chasing its tail. Round and round in a circle we go. When this will stop nobody knows. All we know is that you're wasting you're time. Round and round in the circle our thoughts go. If we'll ever stop, nobody knows...