Didn't need to exist today

It occured to me today, as it has many times before, as I sat in my shower trying to cry, that I wasn't even living anymore. I wake up, and then wait until it's time to fall back asleep. I don't go anywhere, I don't do the things that make a person human. I don't eat, or drink, or, some nights, sleep. My phone is silent, always, because I never talk to anyone. I've neglected my one friend, my family is a constant source of stress (and not because they actually do anything that should cause it, really), actually feeling things on a daily basis is tiring, and I find myself angry at everything for no reason. I feel like I've been forced to miss out on my life, and I'm still missing out, caged inside my own body, unable to breath. I went to school, always failing, always behind, but never because I was stupid or didn't get it. I just didn't feel the urge to do homework or push to get good grades. I've spent so much of my life drifting that I'm not sure I ever knew what it felt like to have my feet firmly on the ground. I'm so very lost, and my family is tired of hearing it. They don't know what to do, and I'm starting to doubt the reason for my own existance. I've been to neurologists, psychologists, anyone who might be able to help me, but since we lost our health ensurance, there hasn't been anything anyone could do. I'm cut off, and I feel like I already gave up. There's no reason for any of this crap, and I hurt, and I'm tired.

I'm so tired...