Depressed....

I couldn’t sleep last night which, of course makes me feel physically feel worse. Knowing what other people are going through I sometimes feel silly saying my cat died and I feel empty, numb, sad, depressed,  like I don’t want to move for days. I want to just sit in front of the tv and cry every time a commercial with a cat comes on. You’d be surprised how many there are. But you know what, these are my feelings and they are totally valid. I learned many coping methods when I worked with my therapist when my relationship broke up. I so resent my cheating ex that should be with me helping me through this and he’s not. After all I did for him in the 10 years we were together, these are the times when you want someone to hold onto while you grieve. I sent an email to an old friend from another state I was ignoring for months while Max was sick and I was spending all my free time with him. I gave her an update on what had been happening and was so surprised that within an hour she called. I was thinking maybe that friendship might be over since I hadn’t made any effort to stay in touch. Later this year we will try to get together. I’m so glad I sent that email. I was sitting here early this morning and crying and reading Facebook and decided to let some people know who knew him. It was sort of like therapy. I cleaned up all his things from downstairs yesterday. I’ve been putting off going upstairs but I need to get his stuff put away there too. It’s surprising how toys and stuff have spread out all over the house. I’m sure I’ll find things for the next year. Hopefully there will be a point where I don’t cry when I see them. Amazing how something small with fur getting so far into your heart.