Dear Loneliness

Dear Loneliness,

Please let me go.

What have I done in your eyes to deserve

To suffer so?

Tell me. I will fix it.

Why do you haunt me?

Never being far away.

You can find me in a crowded room

Never near, never far, but always there.

I don't even have to be alone to feel lonely.

I suffocate on the pain you cause inside of me, until I'm barely breathing

No amount of tears can wash away this suffering, this grieving

Am I drowning? Am I healing?

The worst of all is the pain that you bring.

It hurts in my chest where I imagine my heart should be

It hurts like fire, like migraines, like a wound, like empty

Winters are the hardest, or fall actually

When the leaves turn auburn and I see happy families

And I want they have. I want it so bad hurts.

But there is nothing I can do or ask or say to get that for Christmas

Because the thing I grief the most in life never existed

I've known this hurt since I was three

I'm 27 now & I'm so ready for you to leave.

Loneliness I acknowledge that you must've served a purpose, that you kept me alive

That you hurt me in the deepest ways so I had a chance to survive,

but I escaped now and I'm free

and what I needed still never existed

So please let me be

I'd rather be on my own, & alone

Than kept company

By the loneliness inside of me

Regards,

Me