DAY AFTERDAY AFTERDAY
I FEEL I AM IN THAT MOVIE GROUND HOG DAY, SOME THING EVERY DAY, I HAVE HORRENDOUS SUFFERING EVER MORNING ,I HAVE CRUSHING PAIN AND SORROW, I FEEL MY HEART IS BLEEDING HAVING THIS PHYSICAL AND MENTAL PAIN,I RESIDE IN DARKNESS AND THIS WILL GO ON THE REST OF MY LIFE ,THE ILLNESS I HAVE THERE IS NO CURE, THE PAIN OF LOSING MY DAUGHTER WILL NEVER END, ONLY GRIEVING PEOPLE KNOW WHAT THIS TORTURE IS LIKE ,I WILL MOURN FOREVER, I DO BELIEVE IN GOD ,BUT SOME TIMES BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE AND THAT IS HOW IT IS ON EARTH ,O YES SUPPORT HELPS BUT I HAVE NONE OF THAT AT HOME I TRY HARD TO HELP OTHERS BECAUSE I KNOW THERE PAIN, I KNOW SOME BELIEVE THERE SEE THERE LOVE ONES AGAIN , BUT SORRY I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT, I KNOW I MUST GO THROUGH THE REST OF MY LIFE KNOWING I WILL NEVER SEE MY DAUGHTER AGAIN AND THE PAIN OF THAT IS ENOUGH TO KILL ME. RE LEARNING TO LIVE WITH PURPOSE AND INTEREST IN LIFE HAS NOT HAPPENED IN 8 YEARS ,IT ONLY GET WORSE I CAN PRETEND PRETTY GOOD CAN,T I. THIS IS A STRANGE PAIN FULL REALITY I CAN NOT PRETEND ANY MORE. THERE IS A ACCEPTANCE OF LIFE AND A ACCEPTANCE OF DEATH AND THAT'S ALL THERE IS ,WHATS IN BETWEEN DOES NOT MATTER WHEN WERE GONE, I SEE THAT IN EVERY ONE WHO HAS FOR GOTTON ME AND MY DAUGHTER, I DO NOT GO AROUND ACTING SAD BECAUSE I HAVE LOST ALL MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS I HAVE TO PRETEND ALL IS OK, AND SO I WILL FOR THE SAKE OF OTHERS, I HAD TO GET THIS OUT IT WAS HIDING IN ME AND NOW I WILL GO ON PRETENDING UNTIL THE DAY I DIE.
Replies
Ohhh im so sorry .I wish i could be there to just hug you.Have you seen a grief counselor?My mum is seeing one right now for her husband and my sisters passing last year.
Hi Shirley
I feel bad about your pain. I will not forget you. I never know from day to day how I am going to feel. Good luck.
Brad
I ask this with compassion in my heart. Have you ever tried psychotherapy? Or grief counciling? It has greatly helped people very close to me. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Mental pain definitely causes physical pain. Sometimes you just have to let it all OUT! A professional can definitely help. My mom died 18 months before Josh died and I desperately needed help then and was able to \"click\" with this person. She left and I tried another one and she sounded like a playground monitor, but the first therapist gave me skills to cope with the loss of my mom which I was able to transfer to Josh. I may seek help again - from time to time I really think about it. Shirley, I am so sorry you feel hopeless but please know that you are loved as a grandma, as a child of God, and as a friend.
Sending love your way,
Leda
Your such a strong person Shirley !! You have made me feel better in my pain !!!!Your a great person !!! xoxox
Dear Sis,
My heart goes out to you. Im so sorry you are suffering like you are. i wish i had the words to say to help you believe that you WILL SEE YOUR PRECIOUS DENISE AGAIN. Do you think it would help to get counseling by a Pastor of some kind? Theres a lot to be said in the Bible, i dont mean to push my beliefs on you but I feel if you heard the word it may comfort, console and maybe in time you would believe Gods promises
My thoughts and Prayers are with you and Im just a phone call away even if it is crazy at my house.....I LOVE YOU and I hope I havent upset you more, my intentions are just to love and support you in the only ways i know how. You know I need you too so keep your heart open cuz id be LOST without YOU
Love Your lil Sis,
~Leslie (((HEARTFELT HOPEFUL HUGS)))
I\'m so very sorry for your excruciating pain...both physically and emotionally. I haven\'t any answers to offer, but I do offer my love and compassion and friendship. I wish you peace and health~~Teri
Hi AGAIN Sis, I want you to know that I wasnt trying to say You werent believing, i dont know what i was trying to say except i hope you wont give up hope. You have been through a lot and and Im so sorry
. I do believe there is some explaination for the heartache,maybe one day we will find out or by then it will no longer matter cuz i believe with the heart that we have we will be reunited with our precious loved ones and our past wont even be a memory.I like what Teri said in her comment I havent any answers, i try but who am i to say....but i, like all your friends, offer my LOVE, support compassion and friendship.I guess sometimes to just sit together in silence and hold each others hand is the best i can do. I can go on rambling i guess its my way of reaching out . Us crazy italians never know when to shut up huh ?!!!
i will call u or better yet You call me, cuz i know you have Brandon tonight and youll be busy, so ill be here if you want to chat Id love hearing your voice even if we just talked this morning =o) Love ya my Shirely Pearly
I am so sorry for all the pain you are feeling. You WILL see your daughter again one day. All of us will see our loved ones who left this earth before us, when it\'s our time to leave. I also encourage you to get counseling. It\'s a hard step to take, but you\'ll feel so much better to just get everything out and help to get through. I actually just started counseling this week for my anxiety and some things I have gone through. It was a hard call to make, but deep down I knew I needed to. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs to you!
I have lost many people in my life but never a child. I know what heartache feels like and I know your heart feels as if it has been broken. I think the advice on counseling is a good one but you have to be ready to listen and talk and that might be too painful. I don\'t believe in religion but I do believe in God and Angels. I feel we are all energy and energy can not die it just changes form. When our energy leaves this earth it moves on to a place we don\'t have access to yet but they have access to us all we have to do is think about them, talk to them etc. I have also used journaling to help me through my grieve. But I don\' t think of grieving and mourning as a one time thing, I look at is as a circle and sometimes along the circle it becomes easier and then other times it becomes more difficult. There are no easy answers to how you are feeling, and all I can offer is sending you gentle hugs and prayers.
I\'m glad you have grand children, Brandon, 3 grand daughters & their children.
All your DS friends. Brandon will be there tonite.
Spring is coming. prayers for your lonliness.
Oh Shirely.....let\'s you adn I hide ina movie theater for awhilte and let the world go by,,,we will watch whatever,,,,,our daughters are waiting for us,,,,,
I hate the fake smile face I need to wear,,,my eyes leak for you and with you..
love you so much....
THANK YOU ARE FOR YOUR CARING ,LOVING WORDS, YES I HAVE BEEN OT COUNSELING AND GRIEF COUNSELING FOR YEARS ,THATS WHY I HAD TO WRITE THIS JOURNAL YES IT HELPED SOME OR I WOULD NOT BE HERE,BUT HAVE I GOT MUCH BETTER NO ,I KNOW I NEED MORE FAITH,BUT MY DAUGHTER WAS MY LIFE AND I KNOW THAT MAY BE WRONG TO HAVE MADE HER MY LIFE BUT THAT IS WHAT IT IS, AND MY JOURNAL IS MY TRUE FEELINGS THAT I HAVE TRYED TO HIDE AND CAN NOT HIDE THEM ANY LONGER ,MAYBE IT WILL HELP TO LET THEM OUT AGAIN, I CAN BE SITTING HERE CRYING AND MY HUSBAND IGNORE ME I NEVER HAD ANY ONE SAY SHIRLEY IT WILL BE ALL RIGHT WE CAN MAKE IT,THROUGH THIS, AND NOW I KOW I NEVER HERE THAT FROM SOME ONE I CAN LEAN ON AND BE HERE FOR ME ,SOME OF YOU KNOW MY SON HAS NOT TALKED TO ME IN A YEAR ON FEB,12, I FEEL I LOST HIM TO, I HAVE LOST MOST OF THE THINGS I LOVE IN LIFE MY MOM WHEN I WAS 12 , A HUSBAND WHEN I WAS 27 , AND MY BABY GIRL MALLISSA, I DO LOVE MY GRAND CHILDREN BUT THEY DO NOT FEEL THAT VOID THAT EMPTY HOLE IN MY HEART THERE ARE A BANDAGE FOR A WHILE THEY WILL GROW UP AND LEAVE ME TO. I DON\'T KNOW WHERE TO GO FROM HERE I AM TRYING THE ONE DAY AT A TIME FOR NOW,I DON\'T KNOW WHERE I BE WITH OUT YOU ALL HERE, BUT I THANK GOD , SHIRLEY
I to feel your pain. I\'m in a great depression and my doctor won\'t change my medicine. It kills me every morning. High anxiety and depression. For me over nothing I can think of. Its just my unbalanced head messing with me. I hope something good comes your way.
I wish I knew what to say that would ease some of your pain, but just a note to let you know we are here to listen and to hug you tight. I hope it helps, even if just a little. Your friend, BW