Day 3 - 1:48pm
Well my son got the money for the rent and you would think that would give me some relief but it doesn’t. Actually this particular bailout is the hardest I have ever received. You see the money came from my 22 year old son on my birthday today. It will always be a significant date now for me as on my birthday my son had to bail me out of my gambling debt. I feel like the worst mother ever. And like a lying deceiving gambler I lied to him why I needed the money for the rent. I told him to get me a cashier’s check because I don’t trust myself to even see cash. I hope with therapy and meetings I will be able to be honest with him because none of my family knows about this secretive relapse I had. My son never knew about it before since he was much younger. I hate the person I am today and I hope this will always be a reminder how quick a downfall I had in the last 6 months. Good by 2018. I am thankful to be starting of 2019 GF.
Replies
It is the bad feelings that we eventually get as compulsive gamblers that is the eventual reason(s) that leads us to quit. It is ultimately good for you to burn this bad bailout into your brain and soul. Even to write out as near as you can every gut wrenching feeling of self-loathing this has made you feel. Then re-read it whenever you have an urge to gamble.
Hey there.... I haven’t been here in a long time..,. I got a notification about your post and wanted to reach out. As crappy as this feels, and I know exactly how it feels., it might be a bridge to a better tomorrow. Hiding was my best and worst accomplishment and lead me to my *hopefully* bottom. All I can offer is a similar experience but I can also offer a bit of hope- compulsive gambling is an illness that can’t be erased or cured, but can definitely be arrested.
Hang in there, face it, arrest it and keep the faith