Day 2 - 12/30/18 4:26am

Just woke up with severe anxiety. My heart is racing thinking about the financial mess I made in such a short time. I can’t cry even though I am shaking and screaming inside. My son has no idea the awful thing I have done to jeopardize our home.  He loves me so unconditionally. Always by my side. How could I do this? I hate myself right now. The stress is overwhelming. I need help. I am afraid I am GF because I don’t have funds to gamble. I am a smart, intelligent and strong women. I am trying to rationalize what I did but there is no logical explanation. The trance like state of mind you get into when you are gambling is unexplainable. You know what you are doing is wrong but you can’t stop pulling out more money. I don’t want to gamble anymore. Yet the little voice is evil. I keep telling myself don’t listen to it. It keeps yelling saying next time will be different. It was just bad luck. You need to win back all your losses. This disease plays with your mind. Lord help me!! I know I am a compulsive gambler. Today I choose to be GF.