Day 10

Depression, sickness, and sadness are my constant companions.  I am very lonely.  He and I are barely speaking.  This whole quitting smoking thing is definitely not bringing us closer together, especially after I was such a raving bitch.  My head is pounding and I feel very sleepy..which brings me to the edge of anxiety.  I can remember when I was a kid and I was sick with something and I could not stay awake and it was freaking me out.  My mom wanted to know why I was so upset.  I told her because it was scaring me that I could not stay awake.  She said, it's ok, that is just your body trying to heal itself.  It has always scared me when I feel sleepy and I think I shouldn't, and it still is now.  He stayed the night in the bay area last night and is leaving Friday for Phoenix for almost a week.  Normally, I look forward to my alone time while he is gone, but the last two times he has been gone I have had anxiety so not really looking forward to it this time.  I'm already kind of out there...won't take much to bring it out.

Except for a couple of times a day, usually after I eat, I really have no desire to smoke.  I wish the sick feelings would pass. The headache I have now is almost migraine level where the light is bothering me.  I am much more hungry than usual though and am trying to avoid snacking. 

Today I start my last class.  I cannot wait to be completely done with school.  I hope this semester goes by fast. 

Super busy at work.  Wish is would slow down some.  My boss has been out sick so at least he is better and I'm not on my own here anymore.  Going to go take some more ibuprofen and try and knock this headache down.