Darkness all around me

Waiting for the antidepressant to kick in. Will it? These are the darkest days I feel I've ever spent. With it comes shame & guilt. My mother says snap out of it there are people who have worse situations than you you selfish beast   I can't spend another day another minute like this. The only safe place is my bed. Everything else is a chore. Yes I'm lucky I can take to my bed but the dread that surrounds me is unbearable. My mother also says it's not meds it's you you need a new therapist. It's not meds so I knew this thing would be a failure. My mother is so far away I may never see her again. I feel empty except for the constant grief. I've lost everything. I feel like a sad little child who doesn't know how to take care of herself. I am shame & guilt & self loathing personified. Goodness help me find some joy again