couldnt handle it
so I made the decision to stop working at macys, I feel like a failure but it was eating me up trying to juggle everything and the stress was adding instead of helping. this is the first time I have done this and I don't like myself for not being able to handle things. one would think that would be a big relief, which it is, but I still feel like crap, stomach off, down in the dumps. on top of which I see my specialist Thursday and dread that visit.
today I am working in the deli at the other store, it is about 25 min. away, for 9 hours, they may have to peel me off the floor, lol. thank goodness danny is able to take nala for the day, I wont have to worry and feel bad about her. I haven't been in the deli much for awhile and not on a sunday in years!!! I will make myself eat a breakfast bar, and bring my lunch. I don't know what I will have for dinner when I get home, I don't even have a yogurt in the house. I am afraid to spend any money I do have, but I know I have to get food. this is not a time for me to expand, I am having difficulties eating what I normally eat.
my mother is an ongoing source of anxiety and anger to me. I feel she is manuplating everyone with how bad she is, I do not think things are as bad as she says, and the guilt trip is huge. it is awful to say, but I dread going there and if I don't call every day I hear about it. it is the same shit all the time, I start to say something about my life and whoop there it goes, on to her again.
well everyone have a god day and many hugss
today I am working in the deli at the other store, it is about 25 min. away, for 9 hours, they may have to peel me off the floor, lol. thank goodness danny is able to take nala for the day, I wont have to worry and feel bad about her. I haven't been in the deli much for awhile and not on a sunday in years!!! I will make myself eat a breakfast bar, and bring my lunch. I don't know what I will have for dinner when I get home, I don't even have a yogurt in the house. I am afraid to spend any money I do have, but I know I have to get food. this is not a time for me to expand, I am having difficulties eating what I normally eat.
my mother is an ongoing source of anxiety and anger to me. I feel she is manuplating everyone with how bad she is, I do not think things are as bad as she says, and the guilt trip is huge. it is awful to say, but I dread going there and if I don't call every day I hear about it. it is the same shit all the time, I start to say something about my life and whoop there it goes, on to her again.
well everyone have a god day and many hugss
Replies
Ok. first of all try to concentrate on the relief you feel about not having t o worry about Macy\'s.
After that consider this. If you do not think your Mom is as bad as she says she is you need to atart calling her out on it. That and walking away are the only two tactics that will get you anywhere with her.
Good luck and chin up!
*hugs* I hope you can get more hours even if it\'s at another store.. Don\'t feel like a failure. It\'s hard work. Remember I\'m here for you!
Sometimes things get too much and we have to stop before we drop. It makes sense to give up the stress of juggling two jobs with lots of uncertainties. Any chance of having dinner with Danny?
thanks all. I am getting more hours at the other store, it is evening and closing hours which I have never done and thought I never would. luckily tis other store is very small, and the people are very nie, I feel right at home. going to check into my previous store today and see if the HR woman has actually contacted them about getting me back there, she had better. I do feel relief about macys, it was simply to much for me. Trojan my sister has called her out on it and she starts whimpering and shit. I am going to myself, I do knownit is failing, but not at the rapid rate she claims, she wouldn\'t be able to walk in the house, she uses no cane. I know she is upset that I haven\'t been able to come sunday nights but work comes first and next sunday I cant ether. I also know she wants me to come over tonight, well my dad does too, but I am not, I will go over tmw, tonight I want to go to my sisters. I should call and see if she needs to go shopping today, but I just don\'t want to, I should as it would give dad a break, though they have helpers at the store that bring you around and help you, she didn\'t like the woman she had the one time she did it so I don\'t think she will do it again. nuts!!!
athy, I am having danny over for dinner Wednesday, if he can make it if not Friday.
Of course they either start whimpering or getting angry! That is how they hold you hostage! I had to walk away from my Mom\'s abuse and hostage tactics many many times. But it eventually did get better. Hang tough!
I have to get control over my mothers situation as the job I cant control and it is making me sick, the stress from it all. it is a matter of my survival
I just kept reinforcing with my parents if they wanted our help they would have to play nice. Eventually it sunk in.
retail work at Christmas time is the hardest thing in the world of work to do....people do not give you credit that your doing the best you can do....and they expect the world of you...but your human and stress results...I used to work retail in high school and a few other times in my life....I know what I am talking about....
what do you do at the deli? When I delivered pizza I used to snitch pepperoni or some other cooked meat from the prep area when I was hungry...LOL I also got free food 1/2 small pizza for free for lunch....
Anyway I hope that your mom is going to be able to come around and not burden you like she has been....I am fortunate...my mom is not a complainer and never was...but now I know she hurts badly because she will tell me that it is hurting...her back is terrible....
I do not know how to work with a parent that is going blind....that would be very hard for me....hugs bill
my dad last night said again for the thousandth time, your mother is not god at all, like I don\'t know that!! I mentioned again the need to get someone in, a passing comment on how they really should. I don\'t know what you call it but I will not be able to see them till Christmas, my hours prevent me seeing them, all long days until 7 not gettinghome till 7\"30. I worry about my doggie. I am so relieved I quit macys, as it is I am lucky to get many hours at the other price chopper and I am working 8 days in a row, including Christmas eve. the manager there has me doing some other stuff other then wait on customers and slicing for extra meat, I have done some platters, he was surprised at how good it looked, hello, ive done them before! yesterday towards the end I was prepping pizzas, that was fun, but pressure as it was 5 dollar pizza day and the orders were flying in. bill you are lucky, my mom has been this way all her life, very self centered and it is just worse now, will nevr change. she wont as I said even try the things the blind assoc. gives her, she just says it wont help. hugs all
Years ago I read a book which helped me face the truth about my family system and bit by bit gain the courage to stand up against the manipulation and abuse I\'d suffered from Mum in particular all my life. Mum was a narcisstic and a rage-aholic. The book was called \"Toxic Parents: overcoming their hurtful legacy and reclaiming your life\", by Susan Forward, 2002. This author has also written many other great books. They are all available on Amazon, but your public library should be able to get a copy of any of them for you also. Kim x