COMMENTS
After reading everyones comments, for the moms... I can't believe I haven't taken the time to journal.. I never was good with words or spelling, so I didn't bother. Now I started writting on wordpad, then I save it. Now I can start it, then go back to it later, I have lost so many comments from answering moms journals, it made me soooo mad, and frustrated, I found myself not wanting to write, I would feel paralyized, and not bother.. I would read moms Journals, then feel exhausted thinking about writting. I was afraid of losing it.. My computer is so sensitive .. I have been told many times to write my journals on wordpad.. BUT NOOOO, Kelly/me has to do everything the hard way!!!!! I still don't know much about computers. I'm getting better, only type with one finger,lol....I started the story about the Cruise I went on after Ryan died. I had a few messages from Ryan too. I'll try to finish it quick, like I said, I have a hard time putting words into a sentence's.. lol.. I like writting a little at a time, then I get up & do other things.. I can't do one thing at a time, I have to do alittle of this and a little of that..lol.. I love you all, even when we haven't met.. Isn't that cool! I never have experienced loving others without meeting them.. It is a Gift From God, Kelly
PS. I love hearing about your Coinicidences, and things that were said.. It helps me believe in a God.. It helps me believe things happen for a reason, even if I Don't Like IT!!! It helps me look at the other side of things..
In time we learn how to live without them in our lives...Every waken momment, in the morning, I don't like my life without Ryan in it, so I've trained my mind to believe Ryan is walking beside me, helping me through.. I talk to him all the time, he is in my heart & soul, the visions of his smile helps me to be happy... But if I dwell on it, I can go back into that dreadful deep black whole of despair...I can't go their..I'm so fearful of it.. its another thing I had to do, train my mind to chase it right out of there....
PS. I love hearing about your Coinicidences, and things that were said.. It helps me believe in a God.. It helps me believe things happen for a reason, even if I Don't Like IT!!! It helps me look at the other side of things..
In time we learn how to live without them in our lives...Every waken momment, in the morning, I don't like my life without Ryan in it, so I've trained my mind to believe Ryan is walking beside me, helping me through.. I talk to him all the time, he is in my heart & soul, the visions of his smile helps me to be happy... But if I dwell on it, I can go back into that dreadful deep black whole of despair...I can't go their..I'm so fearful of it.. its another thing I had to do, train my mind to chase it right out of there....
Replies
grief is a life long process. i lost my daughter on 1/18/2003, i think of her her every day, and the holidays all of them totally depress me. i miss her so much. she was my life.it doess get easier as the months and years pass but it is always ther that empty feeling. hugs zz
WOW!! Thanks for sharing your insights and feelings with us. Looking forward to hearing more from you. Love and hugs, Beth
Kelly, I hope that however you manage to write in your journal that it is helpful for you. We don\'t mind how your sentence structure is, whether you spell the words right or how you put the words down. None of us care about that stuff. None of us are professional author...I don\'t think. We just want moms to place some words that have meaning to them. Most of the time we think those same things or have the same feelings. You help all of us by sharing what you can. Of course we all have the common thread of missing our children. I am glad you have Ryan walking beside you so stay out of the dreadful deep black hole.
I\'m with you, never know what to say. Not good with words.It was good to hear from you, Love Susan
I am with you Kelly. I am not gooe at writing or spelling but as long as you try to say something we will all listen. I heard someone on the news tonight about a child they had lost and he put it this way.\" I have to learn to live a new way without my child.\" And that is it we just have to learn to try to live one day at a time....Love ya, Connie
Dear Kelly, I am so proud of you, it takes courage to step away from what is comfortable, and just the fact that you are beginning to journal is a sign that you are moving foward. It is so true, you have to work very hard to keep your mind from sinking back into the darkest of days, I love the way you replace the bad memories with the warmest of thoughts when you feel Ryan near your side. Continue to take those baby steps foward in your journey, We all love you, Hugs,Charlene, Mitchells mom
I am pleased to be able to read your journals and share a little of your life with Ryan. You are doing well to stay out of the dark place. I feel as if I have been swallowed in by it lately and it is so hard to get out of it. Love always, Charlotte.
Well said,I like to believe that God has Gregory and Rons soul,but thier spirit lives on here with me and thier family.It\'s going to be 1 dreadful year in 2 months that my beloved angel Greg went to a better place,and 2 weeks since his father Ron did the same, I have few words,but many prayers,for you and for all who find thier way here,and I pray they all do, I pray for comfort ,and peace, love and hope,and above all Faith,Keep writing,no matter how it looks or sounds,rambling is good,true feelings expressed and shared with others somehow letting us know we are not alone,and our feelings are valid,somehow helping one another cope,sometimes minute by minute,its true we all must find a new way of living without the physical being of our loved ones...So so sad , but true..what else can we do????? God bless you,..
Tweedies mom Lisa
Precious friend, no one here reads journals with a critical eye, we read with a loving heart. Your heart, and meaning, comes through in your journals very clearly. And like Charlene, I am proud of you for the courageous efforts you have taken to journal and to heal. More importantly, Ryan is proud of his mom! Love and hugs, Teri
Most of us are not expert spellers but I do believe we all have stories to tell. As you think of things to say jot them down and then when more time get on DS and share with us. I used to have spell check but now I do not even bother with that. I think most moms get the idea of what we are trying to say. Hugs, Inga
I am with you, I type with one finger also. I am going to mirror everyone else\'s comments we are all in the same black hole of dispair trying to fight our way out with the help of the other mothers on this site. My kindest thoughts are with you. Sandi
Kelly, we are here to support each other and help one another get through this horrific situation. Do what feels right for YOU if writing is hard then just read, but know we are here to listen if you need us to. Hugs Wendy
Writing helps you, doesn\'t matter how eloquent you are. Some people here have that gift, I do not. But it helps to express how you feel. I cry every time I write it down, but that\'s ok.
Hugs, Pam
Hi Kelly, I too am scared to go into that black hole of despair. With God\'s grace & the help of others I hope to stay out of there. Yes, we\'ll still be heartbroken, but I hope & pray all of us will continue to heal. Love & peace to you. Linda
Your for sure not alone about typing,etc.I also type with one finger\"slowly\"or I would make a lot of mistakes. My son had to do my pictures and poor Andie,my daughter, has had to help me to learn this computer stuff. With-out their help and help from moms on FMO I would be lost. Please keep letting us hear from you.I know Ryan is so proud of you. Love,Laura