come in from the rain........

sitting outside on the front porch after midnight.......in the gentle rain..........leaves tumbling down like naughty children getting away with something.  they glide.......dance......float.......and then discover what all of us did as children at one point or another.........gravity.
Gravity will stop you every time......but it's not all bad.  We like terra firma.......having a solid foundation beneath our feet.  makes the world a much less scary place...........sometimes.  i like time on solid ground and yet i still love to fly in my dreams.
i love the smell of the earth when it rains........that damp sweet air.......our newly fixed streetlamp casts a lovely expanse of candlelight.........even though i sit in the dark semi hidden in my yellow chair on the porch.........i am breathing in that cool clean air.......glad for a respite from the great indoors.
i am almost always in the great indoors and seldom even remember to sit outside.  so silly, it's just a few steps........probably cause i am still giddy from finally managing a shower?  probably......
i like this kind of time........where you sit in the dark in your home, only the glow of the computer for light......thinking about the stars in the galaxy........wondering who amongst my future great great great great grandchildren will put their feet on the ground of another planet.......maybe i am getting ahead of their dreams, my children's i mean, as they have yet to grace me with a grandchild...........but all dreams start with hope do they not?
i was weepy and achy for a day or two.  there was a moment where i put my head down on the face of this cold stone table top......and wept.  the table hurt my skin.......and the effort of crying was exhausting.  i wanted to divert my thoughts, interrupt that "feeling sorry for myself blues" refrain playing over and over in my so sorry for me headspace..........shake it off.  push off the side and get away from the pity pool........wouldn't that be nice........not to change the subject, (but in fact i'm totally changing the subject......)i would love to go swimming right now.........a place where the sand is soft white warmth upon my toes........into warm lovely water.  a lake i think........a lake with a beach.........lie on my back seeking those luminous stars on high.......floating and stretching to my hearts content in that silky moonlit water. 
the rain is coming down harder now...........creating a real ruckus on the patio.........just thinking that this has been almost a lost year.......but i got faith.........even on the tough days i still seem to wind my way back to taking the high road..........never truly preferring the low road for long.  i have checked into another bible study at another church......it starts later this month.  it's a mixed womens' group to help women cope with a variety of issues......i hope that i will remember to go.  i  hope i can go.
hope is essential........my little everyday dream is to meet some people and become good friends. to get past the acquaintance stage.......to the hang out and really talk stage. in the town where i live. 
i know how hard this is........but i just can't seem to give up. 
i've been trying and find it difficult since i can't be as active as i'd like and not being as active means you aren't meshing as well as you might otherwise, but i have decided that one way or another i will keep trying. 
sometimes it feels futile, but then i think that is not right thinking, that is giver up thinking and i don't wanna........there is reality every stinking day........but we choose to find beauty or joy or gratitude.  i hope i can choose wisely and remain on a good path.........the kind of girl who takes the high road........and i hope i never forget to visit with the rain ........rain is lovely.
p.s. just watched a netflix doc about artist Drew Struzan.......it was really good.....this artist created many iconic movie posters.......might not be your cup of tea but i liked it fine.  night night!!!!!!!