Clearly painful

Well this is getting extremely difficult. I dont' think anyone reads my journals but it's just nice to get it out. I just recently left my girlfriend of 6 years for the 3rd and hopefully final time. I hate placing labels upon anyone but she is a sociopath and a psychopath by the book even. Anyways, it's almost been a month and it's getting very very hard not to go back to her. The horrible thing is that my friends even say that I will go back to her because I left her before for a year and a half and I went right back. I've read a lot of articles on victims of this and it's natural for me to feel retarded because I do. I feel like I got completely screwed over for the third time in my life by the same person believing that they would change their ways and i feel HORRIBLE! I've gone through all of these feelings before and now I have to go through them again. I have no one to blame but myself I guess but it's just really hard. I'm going to have to change my phone number again because she keeps calling me and I can't deal with it. I want to hate her for what she's done to me and some of the people around me but I know that it won't help. I'm not the most religious of types but I pray sometimes that she would have what she did to me happen to her to know how horrible it feels.
 
So once again, here I am picking up the pieces of what is left of my life that she didn't take from me, and try to get back emotionally what she sucked me dry of. The third time in a row. I feel like an idiot.
 
I know that this doesn't call for advice but if anyone that has been through something similar just posting that you know how if feels won't make me feel so alone.
 
Thank you for reading if you are
 
Holly D