changes
Why does this life have to be so hard???
Yesterday, I went to have coffee with my new friend in the morning. Steve had to work. I got in a car accident on the way back. I'm fine, but my beautiful car is all fucked up now. Worse than that, I knew when I told him where I was the war would be on. I made the conscious decision not to lie, knowing that it would bring things to a head.
He blew up, just like I thought he would and I took the opportunity to tell him I want out. He said I am running around behind his back..and I guess in a way I am. I did not telling him that I was meeting this young man for breakfast.
I have been sitting here re-reading my journals from the past few years, trying to see how many times I said that I wanted to leave and didn't.
Does it really matter that I met a young man that gave me hope and now I am telling him I want to leave? Maybe if he believes we are already an item he will just let me go.
I'm all over the place, nausea, headache, neck and back very sore from the accident. That is my punishment for sure...my deception cost me my beautiful new car.
Now I have to try and find somewhere to go. Rents are through the roof here..there is not much out there. He says there is no rush, but every moment I stay he will try and change my mind.
Stupid ass, broken bitch.
I just want to have a quiet place to finish out this life in my personal anxiety/depression hell.
Replies
wow I never knew you wanted out of a marriage.....sorry guess I do not follow stuff too closely around here....hugs
Sorry about your accident. I know what you mean about feeling like life is harder than it should be.
I think you should dream big. Leave this guy and find your path to happiness. I believe in you! Big hugs
Bollocks. You want happiness and joy, and love, and fun. And you can get them, too. They're just around the corner.
All you really have to do to get happiness is lay the table for it, and it will come. You have to give it a location. Give it space.
You can do it. A new life. With husband or without husband - that's between him and you; but living your life your way? You have to do that anyway.
You are in a state of trauma from the accident. The loss of your new car and the other parts of this with the relationship. Focus on what you can do and know it is going to work out over time. No name calling -- you are human and we all have our flaws. Perhaps there are lessons to learn to direct your life to a better place. Give it time and do what you can but accept being human and that it is a journey of learning in life -- self hate is never good -- no one is perfect. Be in a place of loving yourself and giving good self-care - wherever that may take you.
Hope your better now!