Catching up

Well, I wrote a whole journal entry and ending up losing my connection, and my journal entry.  So here goes again.  I've been doing ok, not great, but ok.  I've been putting in more hours at work but I've realized how much I really dislike my job.  I'm just not ready to start looking right now, but hopefully another opportunity will come along soon.  I can't believe it's been 10 months since Gene's been gone.  I still have days when getting out of bed feels impossible and I have to force myself to get up.  I miss him every minute of every day.  Having my mother living here is only making things worse.  I spend so much of my time just cleaning up after her and she is so passive agressive.  I called my sister in Delaware and asked her if she could take our mother to live with her, but she was resistant and not very helpful.  She started telling me how I should just throw myself into taking care of her and get over my grief.  My counselor says just the opposite.  Go figure.  By the time I got off the phone with her I was in tears.  I called my other sister and I know she would take her but she just doesn't have the room in her house right now.  So, here I am trying to cope with not only my grief, but my mother too.  She makes a mess everywhere she goes and I spend so much of my time cleaning up and doing her laundry.  I just want to run away.  If I had any vacation time at work I'd take a long trip to a warm beach and drink bloody marys all day. I can dream about it at least.