Cant' Sleep

My PTSD has been a bit wonky lately, I am somewhat obsessed with my safety.  I realized a week or two ago that I have never lived in a home that something bad has not happened.  So now I am back to being completely obsessed with locked doors and wanting to place screwdrivers and knives in hiding places around the house just in case I need them.  I haven't yet, it has been years since I have been that damn crazy so I am trying to maintain best I can.  It started with this work my therapist has me doing and I need to create a safe place in my home for me, but nowhere is safe ever.  Even if someone doesn't break in and slaughter me the higher power may just decide to smite me from his realm for no reason at all.  I have no control over anything of it, so how in the holy fuck am I supposed to feel safe.  I have even had cops tell me locked doors are for honest people.  I just really feel like I am heading toward batshit crazy again and I have come too far to slide that far back.  I guess the upside is I am in a better place now with someone who supports me even when I am being a nut case for no apparent reason.  And the sound right now of everything is bothering me.  I have what they call sound sensitivity and then I also have this thing where sounds don't blend, so not just loud noises bother me, even quiet noises bother me.  The Doc said for most people things like a fan and a clock and different sounds around your house just blend into the background and you don't notice them.  When my PTSD is bad there is no blending and I hear everything separately, like even the sound of cloth against my skin and stuff.  Drives me batshit, earplugs help a lot, but right now I am afraid not to be able to hear.  If it wasn't for the fact that I am 41 I would worry that maybe I am losing my mind and have some sort of schizoid disorder cause that is how paranoid I am feeling at the moment.  I see my therapist Tuesday so I just need to hold out until them and try to keep my shit together.  And I can't breath most of the time, I keep catching myself holding my breath and I have to remind myself to breathe.  RULE NUMBER ONE....these feeling won't last forever I just have to ride it out.