Brother Update
Last Monday Brian was sent away for 60 days to Cartert County Detention Center. Watching my brother being walked out of the court was hard. I went to my truck and just fell apart. That afternoon I had to go tell Drew. It was ok, but having a hard time now. He doesn't want to go see his daddy and I don't think he should. He doesn't want to talk to him through a glass window but he would have to. I have not seen Drew but one time since then. I told his mama last night that I have lost Brian for 60 days and Drew for 60 Days. Brian spent two nights at the County Jail here in Wayne County. Sleeping on the floor. On Wednesday he was transported to Cartert. After days of not hearing from him and not knowing what was going on he finally called on Sunday. I was never so happy to hear his voice. Of course the call is only for 10 minutes, but I will take it. Tuesday is his vistor day. Yesterday I drove 2 hours just to spend 20 minutes with him behind the glass window. He was so glad to see me. I held it together very well. Him not so good. He wiped tears away the whole time I was there. He told me not to come every Tuesday because he knows I have to work. I explained to him that I would come every other Tuesday and not to worry. I am coming in early and working late to make up my time and he knows I have a wonderful boss. I am ok knowing he is ok. Mama on the other hand is going to drive me CRAZY. I just got off the phone with her and of course she is a basket case. I know I would be the same way if it had been Josh. But I think she is strung out on something. She talks crazy and foolish things sometimes. I bearly I understand her at times. Worried about her more than Brian. She said something to me on the phone that didnot set well and I let her hold it. She was actually talking like mama should. She said to me during her crying that she cannot get over him being gone and that I knew how she felt. Well, I went crazy. I told her Brian being gone was nothing like Josh being gone. There is no way she can compare the two. Like I told her you can see him on Tuesdays, you can talk to him when he calls, you can write to him and read his letters. I can't do none of that!!!!!!! I am so angry right now I could explode. She admitted she should have not said that. I am so mentally exhausted. She is really worring me. I try to loss it with her but sometimes it is so hard. Please send prayers that she will be ok.
Replies
I will say my prayers for your brother,,,60 days,,they will be long ones...I hope they go by fast....I hope you and your mom can talk about things,,,,and this time talk,,,so sorry she upset you...((((((hugs)))))))
I will pray for your brother too. Please don\'t be too hard on your mom. Sometimes we say hurtful things without meaning too and once they are said there is just no taking it back, right? What\'s said is said. Boy if I could give you a list of some of the stupid stuff some folks have said to me since my son passed. Hehehe! I don\'t even allow myself to think about it seriously anymore. It\'s just not worth it. Just smile and sing a song and don\'t let yourself think about it. Love & hugs, Colleen
Oh my friend... You are doing what you can to be supportive to your brother and family members. It sounds as if your mom may be self medicating? If she is that\'s a tough one because you cannot have a conversation with her when she\'s in that mode. I\'m sure you are very frightened and worried about her.
Rhonda, I know this feels like such a chaotic and messy time and it is... Please try to be as gentle with yourself as you can be and only take in what serves you. Your mom is in fear and we all say crazy things when we are. Not to minimize or take away the sting of her hurtful words, yet just know that what she says is not true, she doesn\'t know how you feel and I believe she might have been trying to find common ground with you so that she feels closer to you? Just my thoughts and could be way off so take what you like and leave the rest...
Just want you to know that I\'m thinking of YOU with love and SO sorry that you are having to walk this path now with your brother and family.
Love YOU and sending a tight hug.
XO Joanie
(((((HUGS)))))
Oh dear Rhonda. You certainly have a lot on your plate.
I can understand the anger. I would be angry too.
Your mom does not understand what it is to lose a child. She is probably distraught and not thinking clearly. I suspect some of her angst is that she may be embarrassed or she feels responsible for your brother being incarcerated.
Your brother is safe and you can only do the best that you can do. I am glad you are not going to visit every Tuesday. You need to care for yourself too.
My thoughts are with you.
Love and hugs, Marlene
Oh Rhonda, You are dealing with so much right now, my heart aches for you. I can hear the love you have for your brothers and your family in your recent journals and I am so sorry that your family members are struggling. Brian is so lucky to have you as a sister. You are giving him exactly what he needs which is love and support. It sounds like this 60 days may be enough to keep him from putting himself in this position again. I know the pain of dealing with a mother who just doesn\'t get it. It can be so very hard and hurtful. Please take care of yourself right now. Give yourself time to rest and get your own strength back. I know it is hard to find that time but, you need it in order to keep helping all these people you love so much. Sending you tight hugs and all the support I can, Love, Anne
I am so sorry. This is a hard time for both you and your mom - I\'m sure she didn\'t mean to hurt you in that way, despite it being a silly thing to say. I hope you can take some time out to care for yourself right now ~ Joanna
So sorry your family is going through this and so sorry for your loss. Your Mom has also suffered your loss and now her son is gone away only for a time, maybe it makes her feel like her world is falling apart. I hope that things get better and yes you need to talke care of yourself. Hugs Lynette
Rhonda, You are right. Your mom\'s separation from her son is not a complete and final separation. It is very different from your loss. Her son is still able to talk to her as you said, write to her etc. It is not the same as losing Josh. I hope you can get past what she said. It is certainly a very stressful time for you. You are a wonderfully supportive sister and aunt. Brian is lucky to have you. Love and gentle hugs, Linda
Oh my Rhonda! Those 60 days will be over before you know it! My son, Michael, spent 3 years in prison and I will never forget the day in court when they sentenced him and he turned to look at me. I only saw him twice during those years. As bad as it hurt during those 3 years, it has no comparison to him now being dead. Your mom is seriously over reacting...it is only 60 days! I know that hurts for her (my son Jason just got out after doing 30 days) and was in a hell hole jail in Baltimore. But still, only a few weeks...not forever. I doubt that I am helping here much LOL...just cannot think of someone falling to pieces over 60 days in jail...it will be over and he will be home in time for the Holidays! Hugs and Love to you, Belinda