Breaking the fuck down

10 minutes ago I was literally lying on the bathroom floor in fetal position, hugging my knees tight and crying my eyes off. Breaking down with my blades in my hand.

Gave myself 6 small cuts, rather superficial, in my forearm... But since we are apparently playing volleyball tomorrow I couldn't make them too noticeable... So, my thighs paid the price: 12 new scars, my first real scars in there... I guess I'm wearing sweatpants tomorrow.

My bf came to visit this weekend, I saw him today for just a couple of hours, tomorrow I won't be able to be with him before he leaves. I hate this, he keeps me safe for a while and then I have to come home to face real life, face a reality I hate.

I'm Tired of living here, of being randomly hated by the people in this house. I can swear to any freaking "God" that I didn't do anything wrong this time, yet I'm not spoken to unless they are screams.