BIG FUCK FUCK FUCK *TW #)
Just got home from my dietitian appointment. She weighed me at 98 pounds. I weighed myself this morning at 95.9 pounds. Her's is always higher. She literally made an appointment with my doctor to see her tomorrow. Super- I hate going to the doctor. She said I need at EKG, Electrolyte count, and blood work, plus the basic bp, hr, pulse etc.
I don't want to go.
Carlos said if I lose two pounds from the last weight he knew (he saw 99) that he is sending me somewhere. So i told him what Jill's scale said, 98.
There is no way in fuck I am letting this ruin my cruise.
I could die right now. FUCKKKKKKKKKKK
I don't want to go.
Carlos said if I lose two pounds from the last weight he knew (he saw 99) that he is sending me somewhere. So i told him what Jill's scale said, 98.
There is no way in fuck I am letting this ruin my cruise.
I could die right now. FUCKKKKKKKKKKK
Replies
I\'m glad your dietician made the appointment. It\'s the responsible thing to do and you need to go. It is so cruel how ed messes with life, especially our relationship with the people who love the most. I can see Carlo\'s side and I know how loud and scary your ed voice is and how it makes you sneaky. Can you go up to 100 before the cruise, just to have a little buffer. Remember Lauren, she died on the last day of her cruise - how tragic.
I agree I am happy that she made the appointment!!! ED is loud and nasty....and you need to let your treatment team help...Its hard, but Carlo\'s just cares so so much for you... I hope it goes well
Now that\'s scary the fact that Lauren died on her last day of her cruise....eeek
Steph,
I hope you don\'t get mad with me saying this but can you have her weigh you without you knowing and she can covey to Carlos? From what I hear you are really being triggered by the number on the scale and you need to find a way to get away from that. When I start feeling that way I do blind weights and my nutritionist just tells me good job or you need to do some work. She knows what number I need to stay at and we go from there. It really is like a huge weight lifts from you so you don\'t have to focus on that so much. Just a suggestion.
I know how you feel and we are very similar when it comes to weight and stuff but I agree with Karrin. I think that 100 is a good number to go with to give you a buffer. Ideally we should be at least 100 or more so if we get to that number (together) and stay there for awhile then maybe we can be ok with a bit more, you know? 3 is my favorite number so I have been telling myself that 3 is lucky, healthy and as long as I am in the 3\'s then I am good. Even if it is just 100.0 it still works.
Just because she is having you go to the doctor isn\'t always a bad thing. She probably just wants to make sure you are still good with all of your internal numbers since you have had a lot going on in your life. Try to focus on the positive and know that you are doing it to be better and the more you engage in your recovery, the quieter ED will be. You can do it!
i too am very happy she made that appt. and i hope you follow through. ed is awful and so loud in you and so many of us. you are dangerously low and i can see carlo\'s concern. i like the idea of getting to 100 to be a bit safer, i realize this is so scary and hard for you, but remember what happened to lauren, i dont want that to be you! think of the fun youll have on the criuse feeling a bit healthier and doing shit loads of fun things with carlos, he has a heart of gold, so concerned about you. many hugsss
I\'m going to the appt even though it\'s a complete waste of time.
I used to do blind weights until two weeks ago because there was no point. When I bought a scale like 2 months ago after cdestroying my last one, I know what my weight is. So ya...doesn\'t matter anymore. Whatever. Plus for the past few months she didn\'t say anything and just repeated i need to eat more etc. and then that it kept going down and i need to change it before something happens.