Behavioural & Emotional Changes

I don't know who I became, but I don't recognize her. For a while I was an almost manic version of myself, I have memory lapses from the past couple months. My normal behaviours changed, I thought it was a response to fighting depression, but it seems it was too extreme, too much a version that was not myself. Not my adult self, at least. I felt like my 15 year old self, no regard for others', just doing what I want when I wanted. Of the points I recall, it is obscure to me to see how I acted. I don't get it. Now I feel like the 22 year old me, angry, lashing out, snapping.. the version of me that was medicated when anxiety and panic attacks became overwhelming. The psychological impact this injury has had on me is devastating. I don't know how to explain it to my husband. I'm afraid I'm going to experience that severe anxiety and depression again for which I was once medicated for. I haven't needed it in so long. 

I don't know what my spiritual belief system is, I somewhat believe in passed loved ones being able to communicate with us, but not really. I like to talk to them, not have conversations. Yesterday I was sitting on the pool deck cooling off, and I felt the whisp of someone walk past me and sit down beside me, when I looked, no one was there. I immediately teared up as my automatic thought was "mom". I didn't see anyone, there was no hallucination, no spiritual sensation... I just felt she was with me somehow. I've been thinking of her a lot this past week. I wish she were around still.