Redefining my version of compassion

Last year I used a psychadelic for healing. It was wildly healing. As I watch Ram Dass today I want to connect this experience and his teachings. 

It is so interesting to me that a lot of the teachings from Ram Dass and Buddhism are the wisdom states I experienced during the psychadelic. While everyone with me talked and talked and talked. I fully experienced the "spontaneous combustion of human emotions and feelings". 

First I laughed and played with my little sister. We just explored and witnessed everything around us. We stopped and from a playful state said, "look at this". We enjoyed life for it's fascination. As a person who had to grow up very quickly this was very healing for my inner child. 

Then I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed for the loss I have had in my life where my sister and I lost each other because of our ego states through trauma. My sister was there telling me she was with me and it was her turn to take care of me. 

Then I sat in silence and I watched the room fill the chatter. They were talking nonstop trying to "figure out" life. I sat there and thought, this is it. It's here in the silence. You are distracting yourself with noise and it's becoming harder for you to get there... a similar teaching I read today from the Buddha. 

And lastly, I had the revelation, "I Belong".  

Though today my ego has still struggled to believe it...

How can I belong in a world that is saturated with people... this is a scarcity mindset. How can a cell in my body say, "I don't belong" and therefore not live out its purpose? It would be crazy if a cell with a purpose to support my immune system came to me and said, "I'm out, there's too many of us and I don't matter"... It is difficult to do but today I question my ego state that tells me "I don't belong".... I guess in a sense I am right... we "the ego" doesn't entirely belong because according to Ram Dass and Buddhism we are all one. Maybe I could reframe my belief that I don't belong and just say, my soul belongs but my ego can quiet down. Just 5% even. 

If passion and joy bring energy then it would make sense to fuel my soul. Fueling myself as if I were that cell. Because that cell has purpose. 

Then it brings me to the question of well if compassion and love is the answer how does that fit my current carnation, my current reality that repeatedly gives compassion and love to Narcissism/Sociopathy/Psychopathy.... 

I get stuck not understanding boundaries and compassion. Or compassion with boundaries. 

Ram Dass says the most compassionate thing we can do is "stabilizing myself in an awakened state". Stabilize myself... awakened... 

I cannot control other people, I cannot control life; therefore, it would make sense that I can only protect my own state.... and not protecting myself from being triggered into defensive states, triggered states is NOT stabilizing or awakened. This is how I can draw the lines of compassion and boundaries around unsafe people. Live by example, not by saving. They need their suffering to reach awareness and preventing their suffering only blocks them from awareness, from consciousness, from god. And it blocks my awareness wasting my energy on them instead of myself. 

Boundaries can be simply pulling away from unsafe egos that (whether they mean to or not) pull us away from consciousness. And that is, if we are healthier we can trust that they will become healthier too. Not to serve them but to be with them as a whole entity (from a distance if necessary) and not attaching to their ego states and trying to "save them". It would seem our lives are worth so much more than attaching to other people's ego states, and attaching heavily to our own ego state for that matter. The ego and the body is going through the disease or the patterning or the stories... but our soul is not. Our soul is how we stabilize and accept the storm within the body, not by identifying with it but by calming ourselves until a difficult state passes and it is easier to find calm again. It is not my fault for having chaos and difficultly, this is just my manifestation on this earth, at this time. That chaos is my teacher... and my job is to let the "spontaneous combustion of human emotions and feelings" come and go naturally, and to experience them fully without attaching myself to them. Without defining myself. Sometimes my body will feel calm and peaceful and loving. Sometimes my body will feel restless, rage, and jealousy... it too will pass. But every body has these sensations and every soul is not these things. 

I can say goodbye to people that have not found a safe level of awareness or consciousness. And this is helping all of us.