Bad Time
Just got home from work and I'm missing Gene so much the tears are just flowing. I miss everything about him, his touch, his kiss, his voice. How do I go on without him, I just don't know. This is way too hard, way too much to handle. I'm not strong enough for this. I don't want to be without Gene. I just want to crawl up in a ball and stay there. How could God be so cruel to take him away. I've been a good person, helped people in need, taken them in when they were homeless or alone, helped them through the tough times, carried them if I had to. So why did God take Gene. There had to be another way to punish me because that's what it feels like. Today is 8 weeks and can I barely breathe it hurts so bad. I'm so tired, so exhausted emotionally and physically. Don't tell me it's some sick plan or that Gene is better off where he is. He'd be better off here with me where I could take care of him and love him. I go from numb to excruciating pain. How long can my body take this, how long can I keep from going crazy with grief. I'm sorry to all my friends here, but today I have nothing to give back, the sorrow is too overwhelming...
Replies
I do know what you are feeling. I was dealing with anger, extreme anger for the way Butch\'s girls acted his last few days. Then about 11 last night I heard my cat howling weirdly in the bedroom and found her there proudly showing me her dead mouse....and nobody to handle that. It actually sounds like you are pretty angry today yourself. This morning I woke up to emails about contacting my lawyer who is such a putz....and between that and the mouse I yelled at God...what are you trying to DO to me? Put me in the grave next to Butch? Hang in there...just remember that there are occasional moments that the pain isn\'t quite as bad....AND that all you have to do is get through this one day. I will keep you in my prayers. Carole
I know exactly what you\'re feeling....I felt exactly that when I walked in the door tonight and thought about the 3-day weekend that I\'ll be spending alone. I\'m so mad about everything...mad at my husband for leaving me, mad at God for letting him, mad at myself for not being able to \'fix\' him, and mad at everyone who still has a life when I don\'t anymore. And then I feel like maybe I\'ll start smoking again or something, because maybe that\'ll make it easier to deal with for a while. But, then I\'d have to go through the whole \'quit\' process again, so I guess I\'ll just stay mad.
When I get like this, I know that in 3 hours I\'ll probably go to bed and sleep because you are exhausted. When I wake up in the morning and smell coffee, it\'ll be a little bit better for a while.
Don\'t be sorry for venting and expressing your hurt. Sometimes it\'s okay to not give anything back. Just keep breathing...and then breathe again, and know that there are many of us out here who do understand and truly do care....