Bad Time

Just got home from work and I'm missing Gene so much the tears are just flowing.  I miss everything about him, his touch, his kiss, his voice.  How do I go on without him, I just don't know.  This is way too hard, way too much to handle.  I'm not strong enough for this.  I don't want to be without Gene.  I just want to crawl up in a ball and stay there.  How could God be so cruel to take him away.  I've been a good person, helped people in need, taken them in when they were homeless or alone, helped them through the tough times, carried them if I had to.  So why did God take Gene.  There had to be another way to punish me because that's what it feels like.  Today is 8 weeks and can I barely breathe it hurts so bad.  I'm so tired, so exhausted emotionally and physically. Don't tell me it's some sick plan or that Gene is better off where he is.  He'd be better off here with me where I could take care of him and love him.  I go from numb to excruciating pain.  How long can my body take this, how long can I keep from going crazy with grief. I'm sorry to all my friends here, but today I have nothing to give back, the sorrow is too overwhelming...