Bad day

I've fallen into a black hole of grief today.  Called in to work to tell them I wouldn't be in then went back to bed and just woke up, it's 11:51.  I don't want to be up, I want to be sleeping away this horrible pain I feel.  I've suffered so much loss over the last four years and it feels like it's all coming back to me at once.  First I lost my beloved neighbor who I took care of after his wife died, the following year I lost my mother-in-law who was more of a mother to me, then last year my stepfather died nearly one year to the day of Gene's death this year.  It's all too much for me to handle today.  My soul is crying and I feel so empty and dead inside.  I know I should call someone to talk to but I can't bring myself to dial the phone, I just want to crawl back into bed and go back to sleep,  I want this pain to go away.  I don't want to be awake, it hurts too much.  I know I'll get through this, it's just all bearing down on me right now.  I've got counseling this afternoon and that will help get me through.