Back To The Drawing Board
Well back to the drawing board. Last Sunday the stress of everything got the best of me. I know that I am an emotional gambler. It's like someone said its not about the money because I could not spend very much since I limited my ATM withdrawal access. It is about the action. But the remorse I felt afterwards reminded me that at least I feel the pain. Before I had remorse but there was not much pain to keep me from going right back to gambling. This time was different. There was no urge to go back to chase the loss. It is sad knowing I had 14 GF free and now I am back to DAY 4. I updated my Goal again. But I know this relapse will not deter me from being GF!! Since Sunday I have been trying to keep myself very busy. Monday night was the Senior Parent Dinner Presentation for my son. I got to see a lot of the events that occurred during the school year. Definitely reminded me of my high school years and how uncomplicated life was back them. Tuesday was graduation. I spent my day off shopping for my son. I had the urge to gamble but knew I budgeted money for this special day and would not give in to the urge. I bought my son a large bouquet of balloons and a double flower lei. And of course I had already bought his graduation gift the iphone 5. It felt good to make this day special for him. My husband came which made me very happy. We have been separated for the last 8 months. He is my son's stepfather and my young daughter's father. It felt normal and I was happy to see him. He sat with my entire family (25 of us). My niece also graduated so my sister and I hosted a dinner at her house. Chicken Fettucine (my son's favorite) and homemade Lasagna (my niece's favorite). The saddest part of the day is that my Momma was not here. It has been 10 months since she passed and it was very hard for me. But I know she is rejoicing in heaven. Wednesday was back to work (but at least I worked from home). Today I am back in the office. I am doing OK. Hope everyone has a GF day! xoxoxo Chargergirl
Replies
Glad you are back. This is something, in my opinion, have to really want. Good luck.
welcome back, and good for you for resisting any urges, and making your son\'s graduation special. that shows what a special person you are. you put aside your (needs/addiction/whatever) and concentrated on what he needed. I admire that! just start your journey to recovery again, and don\'t look back. ok?
Hey there Chargergirl, Please don\'t be too hard on yourself. You have done everything for your son to make his day special. That\'s awesome! As for the relapse, I did the same thing many times. I limited my losses with road blocks to cash but it wasn\'t enough. I needed to break up with the casino\'s and finally I did it. Thank God really because my son is so messed up right now there is no way I could deal with both. Or... if I was still gambling, I would be so out of control. Today I worked on my bike. I recently bought it at an on-line auction. I needed a tube in the tire replaced. I watched some videos on you-tube and gave it a try myself. I did it! I\'m so excited. I bought and helmet and lights and a lock. I\'m ready to go bike riding. It kept my mind busy and I was proud of myself for a change. My son was going to come by for dinner but didn\'t make it. He is an addict, (drugs) I love him so much. I am trying to learn how to lovingly detach. I have been obsessed about him for 4 years now. I think this is why it took me so long to stop gambling. Gambling was my escape. Unfortuantely it only made my life so much worse. I\'m sorry for rambling here. I just want you to know, that if you keep trying and never give up, you will suceed! I know it! Hugs and Love! Cher
Hang on to those good memories that you\'ve expressed as inspiration to keep moving in the right direction, hang on to the pain of your stumble even tighter to keep you from stumbling again. It\'s not falling down that\'s bad, it\'s not getting back up that is the bad part. Reassess and drive forward.
Jay