autopsy report

Well I finally got the autopsy report.  It was a horrible read.  I couldn't read it all the way through.  It broke my already shattered heart, which I thought impossible.  I am hurting so bad right now.  I don't know which way is up.  It almost makes me glad I didn't go and see him after he died.  It made it all so real, stark and harsh.  I don't know if I will ever be able to go back and finish it.  My tears won't stop.  I want to hide in bed.  
There has been so much bad news lately that I don't feel like I can stand any more. I just don't want to get up in the morning.  Sleep is the only way away from the pain.  I don't think it will ever get any better.  It has been 6 months 4 days.  
The tears I cry don't help.  The desolation in my soul is absolute.  The sun might as well be rain.  There is nothing to light my way in this world and I am lost, blind and freezing cold.  How, do I go on?  What did I do to deserve my baby being taken from me?



Do what you need to do when you need to do it. If you can read the report and feel you need to, then the time will come when you will be able to. It may take several attempts and then again, it may never happen. I read Clinton\'s, but it was later and I think my mind has erased all but basics of what I need to know. There are no rules on this roller coaster ride. You love your son and no event or words on paper can change that fact. At some point you will realize and you son will \"show you\" that even though he isn\'t physically with you, he is never any further from you than your own heart. Sending you love and gentle hugs...Lynn