Arghhh!!
I'm so so so pissed off!!!!!
There is this girl at work. I used to work with her at the last company I worked at. Then she left, and we loosely kept in touch. I was made redundant a year later and then a few months later she told me about the job at her new company where she worked, and I applied for it and eventually got the job.
We used to go to the cinema and have dinner like every couple of months, and she wan't my best friend but I considered her a friend.
Then I got a new manager and after a few months he was bullying me, and this girl (being the CEO's PA) was part of the HR function so I told her and shown her the log I have written about it, and she called a meeting with the HR director and I was told that from then on I will report to the HR director. But because she was external, I will have a dotted line to this girl. In reality she kinda became my manager, which didn't make sense as she is a PA and I'm a manager. However, it saved me from the bully so I accepted it as a temporary solution. She knows nothing about my job and she was a go-between between me and the CEO and the whole set up was just stupid. Then we were bought by another company and most of the managers got new managers from the new company but my reporting line (initially) didn't change when they presented the new org. structure to us. The new CEO said ask him if we had any Q's so I asked him where he sees my role fitting in the organisation etc. He asked why I was reporting to a PA and all I said is that there wasn't anyone else for me to report to (not wanting to make the bullying manager look bad...).
He put me under a proper manager but this girl majorly got the hump with me. She was clearly very unhappy that I talked to the new CEO and I explained it to her that it was nothing personal, but I need to report to someone who has an understanding of and interest in my role and the clout to deal with decisionmaking etc. I was NEVER nasty to her, always helpful and nice. But no matter how many times I instigated, we never went to the cinema again and it kinda hurt.
She told me towards the end of last year that she had a miscarriage and I recommended her some supplements to strengthen her and supported her when she was upset. We had a couple of good conversations and I thought maybe we'll be friends again. I don't know why I wanted her approval so much??? Maybe I didn't want to lose a 'friend' was grateful to her that she helped me before, and I confided in her; I didn't tell many people that I was raped when I was 13, but for some reason I told her (that was our last outing).
But - even though we had some chats since - she would sometimes say / email some nasty things or make comments, and I found that so upsetting.
The week before last I felt this different energy from her and I felt that she was pregnant. (I know it's weird maybe but I felt this on others before too). And I asked her but she said nothing. Today she was in the kitchen standing next to me and - even though it doesn't show - I could feel the energy so strong, and I said I can feel that you are pregnant. She smiled and said 'No comment' but then said 'I don't know how to tell Mark (her boss, the CEO) because it was 'embarrassing'. I said there was no rush and just tell her when whe was comfortable with it. I said to her the most important thing is that she relaxes. She smiled and I opened the doors for her as she was carrying 2 cups of coffee.
She then sent me an email to say that she was sorry that she sisn't tell me when I asked her before, but it caught her off guard and she wasn't ready to spill the beans. I wrote back saying that I understood, that it's not a problem, and I know it's starnge that I can feel it but I'm so happy for her and that she will be a wonderful mum. She wrote a really nasty email back a few hours later saying that she didn't tell me before because this is a private thing and she didn't want to tell and that I have no right prodding for it because she wanted to tell when she was ready. I was completely mortified and really upset, because I sent her such a nice email, and I already told her in the kitchen that I won't tell anyone (and I won't) and I emailed back to say that I was sorry if I upset her but I was just so happy for her.
I just can't get over how nasty her email was; I can't paste it in as I deleted it and then deleted it again, and I just feel completely shocked and upset about such nasty response to a really nice email. What a bitch!
I keep promising myself that I won't bother with her ever again, and I think this time I really mean it. Fuck her! Yes, she helped me but I helped her too, and I was always nice to her. I'm sorry if it offended her that I wanted a proper manager; she couldn't have seriously thought that as a manager I will report to a PA who knows nothing about my job and who is not a manager. But that's not my fault; the first thing the new CEO said when we sat down to our meeting was 'why do you report to a PA?'
I'm so so upset and pissed off and furious and angry!
I think I will have to create a new goal: Stay away from people that are bad to me!
There is this girl at work. I used to work with her at the last company I worked at. Then she left, and we loosely kept in touch. I was made redundant a year later and then a few months later she told me about the job at her new company where she worked, and I applied for it and eventually got the job.
We used to go to the cinema and have dinner like every couple of months, and she wan't my best friend but I considered her a friend.
Then I got a new manager and after a few months he was bullying me, and this girl (being the CEO's PA) was part of the HR function so I told her and shown her the log I have written about it, and she called a meeting with the HR director and I was told that from then on I will report to the HR director. But because she was external, I will have a dotted line to this girl. In reality she kinda became my manager, which didn't make sense as she is a PA and I'm a manager. However, it saved me from the bully so I accepted it as a temporary solution. She knows nothing about my job and she was a go-between between me and the CEO and the whole set up was just stupid. Then we were bought by another company and most of the managers got new managers from the new company but my reporting line (initially) didn't change when they presented the new org. structure to us. The new CEO said ask him if we had any Q's so I asked him where he sees my role fitting in the organisation etc. He asked why I was reporting to a PA and all I said is that there wasn't anyone else for me to report to (not wanting to make the bullying manager look bad...).
He put me under a proper manager but this girl majorly got the hump with me. She was clearly very unhappy that I talked to the new CEO and I explained it to her that it was nothing personal, but I need to report to someone who has an understanding of and interest in my role and the clout to deal with decisionmaking etc. I was NEVER nasty to her, always helpful and nice. But no matter how many times I instigated, we never went to the cinema again and it kinda hurt.
She told me towards the end of last year that she had a miscarriage and I recommended her some supplements to strengthen her and supported her when she was upset. We had a couple of good conversations and I thought maybe we'll be friends again. I don't know why I wanted her approval so much??? Maybe I didn't want to lose a 'friend' was grateful to her that she helped me before, and I confided in her; I didn't tell many people that I was raped when I was 13, but for some reason I told her (that was our last outing).
But - even though we had some chats since - she would sometimes say / email some nasty things or make comments, and I found that so upsetting.
The week before last I felt this different energy from her and I felt that she was pregnant. (I know it's weird maybe but I felt this on others before too). And I asked her but she said nothing. Today she was in the kitchen standing next to me and - even though it doesn't show - I could feel the energy so strong, and I said I can feel that you are pregnant. She smiled and said 'No comment' but then said 'I don't know how to tell Mark (her boss, the CEO) because it was 'embarrassing'. I said there was no rush and just tell her when whe was comfortable with it. I said to her the most important thing is that she relaxes. She smiled and I opened the doors for her as she was carrying 2 cups of coffee.
She then sent me an email to say that she was sorry that she sisn't tell me when I asked her before, but it caught her off guard and she wasn't ready to spill the beans. I wrote back saying that I understood, that it's not a problem, and I know it's starnge that I can feel it but I'm so happy for her and that she will be a wonderful mum. She wrote a really nasty email back a few hours later saying that she didn't tell me before because this is a private thing and she didn't want to tell and that I have no right prodding for it because she wanted to tell when she was ready. I was completely mortified and really upset, because I sent her such a nice email, and I already told her in the kitchen that I won't tell anyone (and I won't) and I emailed back to say that I was sorry if I upset her but I was just so happy for her.
I just can't get over how nasty her email was; I can't paste it in as I deleted it and then deleted it again, and I just feel completely shocked and upset about such nasty response to a really nice email. What a bitch!
I keep promising myself that I won't bother with her ever again, and I think this time I really mean it. Fuck her! Yes, she helped me but I helped her too, and I was always nice to her. I'm sorry if it offended her that I wanted a proper manager; she couldn't have seriously thought that as a manager I will report to a PA who knows nothing about my job and who is not a manager. But that's not my fault; the first thing the new CEO said when we sat down to our meeting was 'why do you report to a PA?'
I'm so so upset and pissed off and furious and angry!
I think I will have to create a new goal: Stay away from people that are bad to me!
Replies
I\'m definitely sorry to hear she was being so rude to you. Its really clear that you have never intended to hurt her or do anything mean. Don\'t hate me for saying this but I *do* see how she could be sensitive about your commenting on her being pregnant if she hasn\'t told anyone yet. Were other people there that could overhear? But that doesn\'t give her the right to send you a rude email (and it sounds like it was very rude) because obviously you were not intending at all to embarrass her or anything like that. You were clearly just trying to be nice and you just didn\'t realize it was a sensitive subject for her. Clearly you opened the door for her and everything, and didn\'t go tell anyone. So yeah...I think you really didn\'t deserve her reaction like that, especially a nasty email (which is so highschool). You have a right to be upset. I think it\'s clear you didn\'t intend to her hurt her, and it was probably clear to her too, so for her to act like that is wrong.
I hate it when people disappoint us, esp people we consider friends. And then to confide in them, only to have them crap on us.....yes, I can see why you are upset.
And yeah, keep away from people who dont treat you as you should be treated- I\'m learning this, slowly!
Thank you Ladies!
Goingup, no, would never hate anyone for telling what they think :-)
I could understand if she was upset if anyone overheard! But nobody did! It was just her and me in the kitchen. Also it was her who continued with the conversation saying she didn\'t know how to tell her boss as she thought it was embarrassing, and that they will think she is a pain because they\'ll have to find maternity cover for her. And I gave her advice. And she told me before about her miscarriage; she didn\'t have to do that. Surely that\'s a lot more intimate??? And I didn\'t tell anyone about that either. And the first email she sent after the conversation in the kitchen today said: Sorry I didn\'t tell you when you asked last time; it was just a shock and I wasn\'t ready to spill the beans. And I was also worried what if something goes wrong again.
My reply was \'I totally understand, no problem. I know it\'s weird that I feel these things, but I won\'t tell anyone. I\'m so happy for you! And don\'t worry, nothing is going to go wrong, the energy is very strong. Just relax and enjoy it. You are going to be an amazing mum. x\' And to this about 4-5 hours later (no interaction in between) she sends that really wanky shit email. WTF??
Anyway, I had it. I unfriended her on FB and barred her and my conversations with her will be limited to professional conversations only. Fuck her and the whole rudeness of her. I\'m done with her.
Well, if there was nobody there, then really I don\'t see you did anything wrong at all...she sounds like a bully. I support your decision to keep distance from now on. You dont\' deserve nasty treatment for not doing anything wrong. You were obviously just trying to be nice x
Thanks for your support hon! My bf said the same thing. Sod her.
I don\'t understand how could anyone be nasty after all that but you know what? I don\'t care anymore. Some people are assholes and she is clearly one of them.
I appreciate your support and helping words!
A xx