Another vision dream of my momma....

I have been off the grid lately - in part because I am re-entering the world - and  I also recently went back home -  returning  the place I stood as a different person than I am now, today,  before getting that phone call from mom in lat May when she told me had cancer.  
I stood at my kitchen sink last week,  and went back in time in my mind to the thoughts I had when she and I entered the death spiral...and then I took a shower in my own bathroom - where I would cry,  and cry,  and cry,  my tears becoming one with the coursing water cleaning my body, and exiting the drain.
In June, I left my home, my husband and my 18 year old daughter  and I became my mothers guide  her personal escort in her world of death and dying.  It was a blessing, it was a gift, and it is a part of my life I will never forget - that experience is a new limb, a part of me forever.  My mom and I breathed in the same last breath - the only difference is she stopped and I kept going...and in that single moment, I felt the surprise and peace that leaving this world imprints on our souls, as if I  were witnessing a leaf falling silently from a tree.
Since mom has been gone, she has visited me three times in my dreams...and now the fourth dream I had yet another wonderful experience - - This dream was when I was in my own bed, in my own home in CA.  And these last two dreams have been rough on me insomuch as I am grieving HARD for mom, -I am sobbing uncontrollably with her, I am in tears and just consumed with despair with the sadness of her death.  Now she consoles me.  She is the same consoling momma as she was when she was here on earth and I would be  distraught.  She holds me and reassures me,  and just this last time, I asked her where she was...where could I find her...and she showed me the dark night sky filled with the tiny flickering endlessness of the universe and all its splendor.  I didn't get it until I woke.  My mom came to show me she was in the heavens above.  
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, my birthday.  It is the first birthday without my momma - it is the first holiday and it is nearly 90 days from her death day.  I am having my close family members in who live in AZ...it should be nice and relaxed and no stress...we did all the cooking before hand, and my husband will do the bird.  Life is different.  Life is a blessing, and with this blessing I can rest in the love that is from a mom, from a dad, and from God who created this unit that carries a life into this world,  and in my case raised me, and loved me, and didn't fuck me up too much...but just enough so I am like the rest of this world.  Part of the broken perfection God created in order for us to fall in love with Him.
Thanks for letting me spill this dream onto the internet and into your heart - -