Another small step

I started to wash Gene's clothes that have been lying in the laundry room for the last three months.  I was anxious about how I would get through doing it, but I managed to get two loads washed, dried and folded without crying through the process.  I'm going to just stack them in his closet for now as I am not ready to go through and get rid of them yet.  That time will come sooner or later.  One step at a time.   I wake up crying almost every morning and this morning was no exception.  How many tears can I cry?  How much pain and sorrow can one person handle?  I've been crying for three months and three weeks now and I don't see any end in sight.  Will I always feel this way?  Will the time ever come when I can look at Gene's picture and not fall to pieces?  I know from some of you that, yes, the day will come and I just need to be patient with myself and get through the grief one day, one step at a time. There will be a fireworks display tonight here in town.  They take barges out into the Chesapeake Bay and the reflections on the water are just beautiful so I'm going to walk down and watch tonight. It's overcast here today so I'm hoping it clears up so the display can go on.  Don't know what I'll do today.  I've been fighting ants in my kitchen.  Those little buggers are amazing.  Seems they appear out of nowhere.  Yesterday I killed a bunch then stood there waiting for more to reappear so I'd know where the were coming from.  Not a one came out, then I leave and go back and there they are again.  Do you think they know I'm standing there waiting for them?  (LOL)  I wish you all a Happy 4th and hope you have a good weekend.  

Replies

JudiB
JudiB

I know it\'s hard to think of something as simple as a load of wash as a milestone but when it\'s theirs and you know it\'s the first time since they\'ve been gone and the last time you will be doing this it then becomes a big thing and having accomplished it you then see it as a small step - I see it as a healing moment. I know what you mean by \"how many tears can I cry\"...I think they are neverending in the beginning and it takes quite alot of them, rivers, to get through this. The pain and sorrow - it seems unhandleable but each day, each hour and each moment you make it through moves you further along. I remember thinking and even wrote a journal about \"how many times can my broken heart break?\" And one day you will be able to look at his picture and hold it to your heart and feel his love as you embrace it. Just take each day and do what you can and let the rest just sit and wait until you\'re ready to handle it whether it be emotional tasks or physical ones. Sending love and hugs, Judi
deleted_user
deleted_user

Ah last year Butch insisted we take the cameras and try for 4th of July shots....they are some of my best shots. I can hardly stand to think about tomorrow without him.