Another bad day
Well I went to the pool. I am trying to get back into the exercise that I was doing so well in before James Robert died. There is one particular life guard that reminds me SO very much of him. I took one look at him and burst into tears. I couldn't stop my crying and he is so young and nice. He has a smile like James Robert had. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Poor boy, he asked me what was wrong and I couldn't even answer him. I was sobbing in the pool like some mad woman wanting to scream I hurt so bad. I didn't get my entire walk in but I did stay for longer than I thought possible. Now I am going to go back to bed and hide. At least till I have to get up tomorrow.
Replies
Good for you getting out. It\'s so very brave and, yet, I think physical activity does help. I didn\'t discover swimming until last year, 4 years after Jon died, and I\'ve found it very calming and a good quiet time to think about Jon and so much else. He\'d have been surprised to see me sticking with it so long.
So sorry, triggers for tears are never ending. Just take one moment at a time and breathe. I\'m glad you even went to the pool. We\'ve all cried in the most common places and at seven years at times I still break into tears. When people see me I just tell them it\'s a bad day for me after losing my handsome son Matthew at the age of 18. One moment at a time, hand in hand, wishing I could hug you and cry with you. Lynette - Matthews mom
I\'m sorry...like I said in a previous journal entry...I don\'t know how to behave well in proper society, and really I don\'t care...if I need to cry I am going to cry. It\'s a part of my life now and if I can live with it everyone else can too...I guess if my tears, or histrionics bother anyone badly enough, then they can take an important phone call and ease on out of the area...
This is such a fresh wound. Triggers are so hard and you never know where they are or predict when the may happen. One of the moms that found FMO around the time I did had several pair of sunglasses at hand to at least help the tears. I know some of my cries were so animalistic that the dogs howled so I can understand that sunglasses are not always the answer.
it\'s ok to cry ,,,, and cry anywhere,,, I do,,,, and now I don\'t care ,,,, there I sat on the floor in Rite Aid,, crying,,, oh well!,,, love ya!
I always cried myself to sleep now I don\'t but for the first 2 yrs I did. Just the other day I started crying on the drive to work. The tears have a mind of their own. They are in charge for a while, let them cry........
Hugs Penny
as Nora said, Its OK to cry, when ever, where ever...
the things that trigger our tears are so varied it never helped me to avoid because the triggers changed... what was ok one time wasn\'t the next.
Hugs and good work on getting out.
MaryLou
The triggers bring tears. I am so glad you were able to get out. Please don\'t let the tears stop you. I find that I cope much better when I get exercise. Walking and crying has gotten me to a place where I can enjoy life.
A little bit a day.
Take care of yourself.
Love and hugs,
Marlene