Another Bad Day

Well, I woke up crying yesterday and didn't stop for three hours.  The pain and sorrow were so overwhelming my body hurt, and my heart was breaking all over again.  I didn't make it to work obviously--stayed in bed reading all day, fell asleep around 2 pm, woke up around 6 pm.  I did manage to get up, clean up the kitchen and get a bite to eat.  Then I was back in bed at 10 and slept til 5 this morning.  I'm just trying to let my body lead the way, because I have no control over the grieving and it is so exhausting.  I'm better today.  One step forward, two steps back.  I miss Gene so much.  I started thinking about all the history and memories we have together and how I'll never get to sit and recall them all with him ever again.  Then the tears start and I just want to know why he was taken from me.  Why, oh why have I been left behind to bear this grief and sorrow without him.  The reality of it all is hitting me hard these days and I have moments when I feel like I'm dying inside and I wonder if I'll ever feel alive again.