angry and frustrated

Some days I'm really sick of the whole situation.  It was kind of a nice day...no real stress.  The kids and I were unpacking boxes (mostly books) and putting things away or putting in the "garage sale" pile.  My "fiance" helped hang some pictures and then made a roast chicken for dinner.  Of course while we were busy he was unsupervised and was pretty drunk by the time we ate dinner.  Before the kids and I could even clear the plates he was sound asleep on the couch.  Days like today I just want to leave.  But.. sooner or later my anxiety will come back and I will think...god he puts up with my freaky crap...is it too much for me to deal with a little drinking?  I mean..I feel alone but then If I lived alone I would have to mow the lawn by myself...ha ha.  I KNOW I could make it on my own...that isn't the issue.  I have probably never had a healthy relationship in my life...so my thing is...am i being too harsh?  Is it a good trade off...my anxiety for his drinking.  I mean living with someone who gets sick with worry and the memory side effects of the meds can't be any fun either.  I'm not exactly a peach to live with I know.  This is my cycle...always living with one foot out the door.  How do I break it and  confront this in my heart.  I DO love him.  Just sick of being with the drinking.  Also I am selfish...I like my house a certain way and we frequently disagree on how to do things as far as decorating or use of living space.  (I have no place that is completely my own space).  I think that is why my anxiety counselor suggested al anon.  Sooner or later (before my hair is completely gray I hope) I need to land on one side of the fence or the other permanently.  I never used to have so much trouble making and sticking to decisions.  Side effect of the anxiety? or the meds?  hmmm...