Anger and anxiety

I'm on a rollercoaster ride... I hate rollercoasters...
And this one is tiring. I feel ok and then I'm anything but ok.. It can happen in a day, an hour, a minute. Mountain high and valley low.
Sometimes something triggers the valleys, sometimes they just come.
Like when i realise I am going to have to talk infront of my class... a speech and i spend three days in bed totally eaten by anxiety. The talk thing went F.I.N.E why am I such a drama queen.
Today and the past week I'm angry. I'm ok but i just am angry. No reason. Everything just bugs me, people bugs me. That they just exist but at the same time I dont wanna be alone.
I don't know what's going on right now but lately it is not unusual that i wake up crying. No remembering why, must have dreamt. but I'm crying
If i'm not crying... like this morning... I wake up very sudden, this morning I was almost gasping for air. Again dont remember what (if) i was dreaming.
The rest of the day I've been close to exploasion but I've held back... as usual.
That feeling that if someone touch me I'll break or expload
If someone talks to me
If someone looks at me
Doesnt wanna go AWAY. Obviously my parents (i'm home for the weekend) have both touched, talked and looked at me and i didnt break nor exploade... but the feeling is there.
And I just want to sleep, flee.....
Been listening to my dear Alanis Morissette all day
"Here comes a feeling, I run from the feeling
and reach for the drug (no i do not do drugs)
Can't sit with this feeling, I rather be flying
and comfortably numb"
 
Peace
M