and yet the sickness remains...
It’s going to be one of those days….day two of the antibiotics. Horrible abdominal pains this morning and BOOM, just like that I am playing the ‘what if’ game. It’s obviously just upset from the meds, but ….
What if…..I have a blockage somewhere? Really? Dumb girl
What if…this is really kidney pain and they are failing?? Really?
What do I do with Remi if I have to go to the hospital? (still being dumb…helloooo)
The girls in the office say…why not stay home sick?
Ha ha ha ha
Already playing the ‘what if’ game…anxiety would surely come if I stayed at home and stewed about it. Better to get my ass moving and try not just not think about it until it passes.
After all, it will either get better …or it won’t
I keep hearing Steve tell me that he would never help me again..with anything.. and that I am totally on my own. He knew it was the one button he could push. I still see the sick smile on his face as he said those words. How can someone who is supposed to love you have that much cruelty in them?
Whatever, it will still either get better or it won’t. If something happens to me I know that Kristi and Jess would take care of the animals. That is all that matters
It’s just another reminder that I am barely functioning and have no business trying to have a relationship.
Replies
Hey and wow my friend I'm certainly sorry for the troubles you're experiencing. That hug was the gentlest most healing that I can think of. Please feel better, antibiotics just tear us up killing germs good, bad, or indifferent like a gunfight at the OK Corral.
the pains past and gave way to the shakes and nausea...which eventually passed as well. Now I just want to cry....for the normal girl I will never be and the tired girl that hates this is not in my control
Hey,
Don't self diagnose yourself. You will drive yourself nuts!!!!!! We, as humans, have a tendency to always think the worst and hope for the best. Many times, we worry about the "what ifs" and they never turn out like we worried and fretted about. I have learned that worry is like rocking in a rocking chair. It keeps you busy but, you never get anywhere. Hang in there and let the antibiotics due what the do. You are in our prayers as well.
I wish I had the words to ease your troubles, your self talk.. I wonder where does that come from? u call yourself 'dumb girl', and in the following paragraph describe a malicious man who smiles while saying something cruel... u deserve better. Sending prayers your way... xoxoox