and yet the sickness remains...

Stomach ache, sets off the anxiety. Yep that's how I roll.  Now I feel sick and anxious on top of the stomach problems.  Why do I even try?  I am nothing but a sick waste of space.  No wonder Steve drank...putting up with me and my poor mental health is enough to make anyone want to escape.  I'm supposed to have a date tonight...stupid girl.  I should just cancel now.  No one is ever really going to want THIS.  I don't even want to be me....or put up with me.  There is no escaping this.  Ever.  It will always come for me.  Some part of me believed that if I removed myself from the drinking that the anxiety would go away or lessen.  It was never really about that...it's always been inside..and always will be. 

I went to the grocery store on my way home yesterday...did I wash my hands as soon as I got home?  I can't remember...   Did I pick up some random virus because I was not vigilant enough?   ...and how can I be hungry and sick at the same time???  Dumb..always so dumb..and such a waste of space.  Why does this life have to be so long?