Am I going crazy???
I just feel so messed up and upset.
On Tuesday I was on the phone to BPDX having a decent conversation after his weekend shenanigans as per my last JE.
One of my best friends called on my other phone and I said to BPDX, 'could you hold on for a minute please, JUDIT is calling and we have been playing tag for about 10 days now, I'll be quick.'. I answered the other phone and told her that I'm on the other phone, so gonna have to be quick. She told me in a nutshell how busy she has been and that she was sorry we keep missing each other on the phone. I then hang up and picked up the phone where BPDX was. I was 1 minutes and 36 seconds with JUDIT. He started shouting at me saying that he can't stand it what I just did, why did I answer my other phone or if I wanted to speak with someone else, why didn't I tell him that I'll call him back rather than keep him waiting. I tried to reason with him (what a big mistake and waste of time that is!!) saying I was only 1.5 minutes and JUDIT and me have been trying to reach each other for ages. He was shouting at me and I told him in a firm but calm voice that I won't carry on with this conversation because he was shouting, and said Good Bye.
He didn't call me since, and I didn't call him either. I thought he will think about what he's done and how unreasonable he was and that if he didn't like what I did, he could tell me nicely; there is no need to shout. By yesterday I got to the point that there is totally no point to any of this with him. I asked JUDIT to come over with me on Friday to his to pick up the rest of my stuff, and I'll never contact him again. But today I was thinking that all my stuff that's still with him isn't gonna fit in my car so 2 trips will be needed. I texted him to say I wanted to cone over this weekend to pick up my stuff and when would it be convenient. After ages he texted back that any time from Sun onwards is ok and he'll leave it all in the garage (where half of my furniture got damaged because there was water in there...) So I texted back asking him not to put the Mac and wooden furniture in there as it'll get damaged. He said 'fine'. All his responses were cold and felt condescending, like he is thinking what can he say to hurt me or get a reaction. I would prefer to break up on good terms but just like with exN, it looks like this ain't gonna happen... I went grocery shopping and saw a bottle of JD. BPDX collects JD and I thought he didn't have a bottle I saw and I took a pic and emailed it to him asking if he had it. He emailed back but I couldn't open his email so I called him. He didn't have it and asked me to get it for him and told me he'll give me the money for it tomorrow. He then said something else but reception was poor so I told him I'll call him back in 20 mins when I finished shopping. What a big fat mistake!!!
I was just trying to be friendly. Asked him if he was doing anything tonight he asked why and I said if you fancied, you could come over, help me with my bed (which finally got delivered today but is so heavy that I could barely unwrap the base, and he said last Sat that he'll help me with anything heavy so I don't injure myself) and we could have sone wine and get drunk afterwards. He said 'no thanks' in a really condescending tone. I asked him why he was so condescending, and he said that I DIDN'T call him whole week!! I was like WTF?? I told him that he could have called too, and this is when it got mindfucky. He said that I told him that I will call him before I hang up on Tue!! I didn't day that at all!!
I said to him, all I said is that I won't continue with this conversation because you are shouting at me. Good bye! And then he said that I'm changing what I said when in fact it is him who is changing it, and then accuses me of doing that. It's complete and utter mindfuck and the more I tried to explain to him that I didn't say that, the nastier he got. He basically blamed it all on me; that he had a very lovely week and had a lot of time to think, and that we both need to 'unfuck' ourselves. I'm like, what kind of week do you think I had?? You shout at me on the phone after all the shit you did last Saturday, and then don't contact me at all, and I've done nothing wrong. I just felt like he was really enjoying being nasty to me, saying no to my invite, me trying to be friendly to him, and then twisting my mind saying that I said something I KNOW 100% sure I didn't say! So so frustrated and upset, all I want is have my stuff back and delete all his contact details.
Is it normal that I feel disgusted with myself that I ever had sex with this guy or that I fell for his BS?? I feel stupid, dirty, a complete moron!
The pain is so intense, I just feel like screaming. On the top my manager is bullying me at work; he is just like BPDX, and talks down to me and treats me like I'm a retard. I cried at work on Friday and other people noticed it too how he talks to me. Unfortunately in England they are not as good with workplace bullying as in the US.
Just so upset, got a bottle of wine, gonna drink that and chain-smoke.
On Tuesday I was on the phone to BPDX having a decent conversation after his weekend shenanigans as per my last JE.
One of my best friends called on my other phone and I said to BPDX, 'could you hold on for a minute please, JUDIT is calling and we have been playing tag for about 10 days now, I'll be quick.'. I answered the other phone and told her that I'm on the other phone, so gonna have to be quick. She told me in a nutshell how busy she has been and that she was sorry we keep missing each other on the phone. I then hang up and picked up the phone where BPDX was. I was 1 minutes and 36 seconds with JUDIT. He started shouting at me saying that he can't stand it what I just did, why did I answer my other phone or if I wanted to speak with someone else, why didn't I tell him that I'll call him back rather than keep him waiting. I tried to reason with him (what a big mistake and waste of time that is!!) saying I was only 1.5 minutes and JUDIT and me have been trying to reach each other for ages. He was shouting at me and I told him in a firm but calm voice that I won't carry on with this conversation because he was shouting, and said Good Bye.
He didn't call me since, and I didn't call him either. I thought he will think about what he's done and how unreasonable he was and that if he didn't like what I did, he could tell me nicely; there is no need to shout. By yesterday I got to the point that there is totally no point to any of this with him. I asked JUDIT to come over with me on Friday to his to pick up the rest of my stuff, and I'll never contact him again. But today I was thinking that all my stuff that's still with him isn't gonna fit in my car so 2 trips will be needed. I texted him to say I wanted to cone over this weekend to pick up my stuff and when would it be convenient. After ages he texted back that any time from Sun onwards is ok and he'll leave it all in the garage (where half of my furniture got damaged because there was water in there...) So I texted back asking him not to put the Mac and wooden furniture in there as it'll get damaged. He said 'fine'. All his responses were cold and felt condescending, like he is thinking what can he say to hurt me or get a reaction. I would prefer to break up on good terms but just like with exN, it looks like this ain't gonna happen... I went grocery shopping and saw a bottle of JD. BPDX collects JD and I thought he didn't have a bottle I saw and I took a pic and emailed it to him asking if he had it. He emailed back but I couldn't open his email so I called him. He didn't have it and asked me to get it for him and told me he'll give me the money for it tomorrow. He then said something else but reception was poor so I told him I'll call him back in 20 mins when I finished shopping. What a big fat mistake!!!
I was just trying to be friendly. Asked him if he was doing anything tonight he asked why and I said if you fancied, you could come over, help me with my bed (which finally got delivered today but is so heavy that I could barely unwrap the base, and he said last Sat that he'll help me with anything heavy so I don't injure myself) and we could have sone wine and get drunk afterwards. He said 'no thanks' in a really condescending tone. I asked him why he was so condescending, and he said that I DIDN'T call him whole week!! I was like WTF?? I told him that he could have called too, and this is when it got mindfucky. He said that I told him that I will call him before I hang up on Tue!! I didn't day that at all!!
I said to him, all I said is that I won't continue with this conversation because you are shouting at me. Good bye! And then he said that I'm changing what I said when in fact it is him who is changing it, and then accuses me of doing that. It's complete and utter mindfuck and the more I tried to explain to him that I didn't say that, the nastier he got. He basically blamed it all on me; that he had a very lovely week and had a lot of time to think, and that we both need to 'unfuck' ourselves. I'm like, what kind of week do you think I had?? You shout at me on the phone after all the shit you did last Saturday, and then don't contact me at all, and I've done nothing wrong. I just felt like he was really enjoying being nasty to me, saying no to my invite, me trying to be friendly to him, and then twisting my mind saying that I said something I KNOW 100% sure I didn't say! So so frustrated and upset, all I want is have my stuff back and delete all his contact details.
Is it normal that I feel disgusted with myself that I ever had sex with this guy or that I fell for his BS?? I feel stupid, dirty, a complete moron!
The pain is so intense, I just feel like screaming. On the top my manager is bullying me at work; he is just like BPDX, and talks down to me and treats me like I'm a retard. I cried at work on Friday and other people noticed it too how he talks to me. Unfortunately in England they are not as good with workplace bullying as in the US.
Just so upset, got a bottle of wine, gonna drink that and chain-smoke.
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