almost fell again

my ex just contacted me through another friend asking for money back from a while ago. I was so angry I apologized to our friend but then asked him to tell my ex back that he can have his money if he can man the fuck up and talk to me hisself. It just flustered me so baddly I began wondering is it me? Am I really a mosnter afterall? did I hurt him so bad that he's afraid to talk to me and I just cant see it? Is this whole thing really all my fault?......

I cant believe I almost fell back in that obvious whole.

jeeez that was stupid of me, I know I'm not a monster and its not my fault the guy has tunnel visoion plus only believes what he wants. I did what I could and unlike him I'm willing to talk and sort things out like an adult. He can either talk to me over the damn phone or email or just keep living in his safety bubble from horrifying little me.

Because everyone knows I'm such a terrible mean person always dragging others down and being a drama queen. Good god I wish I could go back in time, slap myself and tell myself to never EVER fall for such a coward and childish jack ass.