Almost done counseling.
I've been going to my counselor regularly, and last week she said we've processed the entire memory and she's really proud of me.. asked if I thought we should have one more session or be done, I said to be safe one more might be a good idea, she's gone all of April and May.. so I'd like to make sure I'm okay on that front before she goes.
I wouldn't say I'm perfect yet, there's a lot I still have to get through on my own, but we've processed the memory and talking about it isn't so hard anymore, I don't want to cry when I think about the miscarriage anymore, I can accept it and I think a big test for me is going to be going back to the hospital I had my miscarriage in.. I went there once, to visit a friend who works there.. I think I should go back. It's hard for me to step foot in any hospital, I need to keep moving forward and not live in fear.
I've noticed recently, in the past couple of days, I've begun to slip into a depression again.. I don't know what's causing it but I want to cry.. my eyes are welling up with tears and I have no clue as to why.. It's really quite discomforting.. I have to study for an exam, which I have been doing continuously, but I now just don't feel up to it anymore.. I just want to lay around and watch tv shows on my laptop with my headphones in... My biggest fear is being hospitalized like my sister was... and I fear that is something that may happen to me too... I'm trying to get myself out of it.. I think I just need a little break.. Summer is around the corner, soon I'll be done school until the fall and I can have some fun again.
I wouldn't say I'm perfect yet, there's a lot I still have to get through on my own, but we've processed the memory and talking about it isn't so hard anymore, I don't want to cry when I think about the miscarriage anymore, I can accept it and I think a big test for me is going to be going back to the hospital I had my miscarriage in.. I went there once, to visit a friend who works there.. I think I should go back. It's hard for me to step foot in any hospital, I need to keep moving forward and not live in fear.
I've noticed recently, in the past couple of days, I've begun to slip into a depression again.. I don't know what's causing it but I want to cry.. my eyes are welling up with tears and I have no clue as to why.. It's really quite discomforting.. I have to study for an exam, which I have been doing continuously, but I now just don't feel up to it anymore.. I just want to lay around and watch tv shows on my laptop with my headphones in... My biggest fear is being hospitalized like my sister was... and I fear that is something that may happen to me too... I'm trying to get myself out of it.. I think I just need a little break.. Summer is around the corner, soon I'll be done school until the fall and I can have some fun again.
Replies
I can totally relate. I had a miscarriage too. Was this your first pregnancy? I had never had so I had the fear of never being able to get pregnant. It did happen though and there was no miscarriage :) What helped me was my doggie, talking to others who had miscarriages and journaling. Don\'t know if you have access to any of those but it did help and I did get pregnant again, with no miscarriage :)
My miscarriage was tubular.. and we\'re not sure exactly how much damage it has done to my left tube or how much scar tissue is present now. My dog was my biggest help after it too, and I have talked and written and journal\'d.. it has helped, I\'ve moved past the miscarriage for the most part, I still fear having trouble getting pregnant in the future, but I\'m trying not to focus on it too much. My counselor has been a huge help through it all, I owe so much to her, and my amazing friends who have been by my side through it all, I really found out who my real friends are by going through this. I\'m optimistic, and I always look for a silver lining, that\'s my silver lining.. My real friends stuck by and although I didn\'t think it was possible, we grew even closer. Thanks for reading and commenting Heartbreaker :)