all over the place today...
It has been a tough day - hits from all sorts of directions... And no one to share them with.
1. Work frustrating and career choices. I got a random call today from my previous employer (I'm on a leave of absence) offering me a job I don't really want, but I fear if I turn it down I may lose goodwill to go back. Do I go back (huge job security) or do I say no (more risky, but would have to go back to a ho-hum job).
2. Grief - then I check facebook (which I NEVER do at work) for a distraction and read devastating news. A friend has a little girl the same age as my youngest (8) who is medically fragile. They've been to hell and back on their journey for answers and treatment. The latest treatment has failed. She has slipped into a coma they don't expect her to wake from. Words can not express my sorrow... and I imagine the grief the family must be feeling and my heart breaks...
3. After dinner we decorated the Christmas tree... every ornament (or so it seems) has a memory or a meaning. I feel sorry for us all that we will not be a family... that my girls won't have that experience. I know they may have others... but not that one.
But, I am profoundly grateful for what I do have. I have two wonderful healthy girls, a job that gives me the freedom to make my own choices, and a family who loves me.
I am lucky.
Like I said, emotions all over the place.
1. Work frustrating and career choices. I got a random call today from my previous employer (I'm on a leave of absence) offering me a job I don't really want, but I fear if I turn it down I may lose goodwill to go back. Do I go back (huge job security) or do I say no (more risky, but would have to go back to a ho-hum job).
2. Grief - then I check facebook (which I NEVER do at work) for a distraction and read devastating news. A friend has a little girl the same age as my youngest (8) who is medically fragile. They've been to hell and back on their journey for answers and treatment. The latest treatment has failed. She has slipped into a coma they don't expect her to wake from. Words can not express my sorrow... and I imagine the grief the family must be feeling and my heart breaks...
3. After dinner we decorated the Christmas tree... every ornament (or so it seems) has a memory or a meaning. I feel sorry for us all that we will not be a family... that my girls won't have that experience. I know they may have others... but not that one.
But, I am profoundly grateful for what I do have. I have two wonderful healthy girls, a job that gives me the freedom to make my own choices, and a family who loves me.
I am lucky.
Like I said, emotions all over the place.
Replies
Thanks for the journal entry. I\'m getting a lot of all that lately too.
Thankful for the things that I have that really are pretty amazing in the grand scheme of human existence.
And yet hurting about a lot of the little details. The holidays apart. How it affects my daughter (also 8). Being a single parent part of the time and a \"bachelor\" (what?!) the other part of the time. Trying to wrap my head around it - it is still so bizarre and weird, this flip-flop life.
Still trying to figure out who I am now going forward. I guess I\'m a work in progress. But I do know I\'m better than I was a few months ago. So that\'s something.
Hope you feel like things are at least moving in a positive direction. Good luck! :)
this is the perfect place to share.. we love to hear how your doing! :)
I\'m so sorry about your blow today.. its so hard when things like that happen to children.. especially close in age to our own.. it makes it much more real..
and as horrible as that is.. it does put a lot of perspective on life, you DO have a blessed life, and those little girls of yours will have memories, and new traditions to fall back on, they will be different.. but still happy memories with mom :) I\'m putting extra effort in this year to help make some new memories, and maybe even new traditions.. I\'m planning to take the kids to the local zoo lights in a couple of weeks, and baking cookies for the neighbors.. there are lots of wonderful holiday memories just waiting to be made, and 2 parents aren\'t always a part of every happy memory.
I dont\' envy you the job decision.. those are so tough, and doubly so when you don\'t have a supplemental income to help lower the \'risk\'.. but your pretty savy.. you\'ll figure out the best option for your family :)
we decorated our tree tonight too.. its beautiful.. I love christmas.. I love the twinkly lights.. I don\'t know why I dont keep them up all year (I just may lol - in a tasteful way of course ) Christmas tree decorating isn\'t tainted by my ex.. he was never involved much anyway.. thats my blessing now - where as then I hated that.. life is full of little unexpected gifts isn\'t it?
you\'re doing a fabulous job Strong - keep up the amazing progress :)
Prayers for your friend and her family in such a difficult time.
I think perspective helps us realize how blessed we really are. It comes in many moments and in many forms. Some of those reminders are pretty difficult and painful as well. I\'m not surprised your emotions are all over the place.
You will figure out the job situation. You are very smart and intuitive and will make a good decision.
While I know what you mean, I take exception to your statement that you are not a family. Families come in all kinds of forms. Where there is love, there is family. You and your children ARE a family! And I\'m sure they feel your love for them, and enjoyed decorating the tree with you - as a new, and perhaps even closer through shared experience, family!
Thx all. So great to reach out and have you here.
Stepping - it IS weird. All in single parent one minute, single the next. It is hard to switch to \"single\". it is a completely different mindset - even without dating!
MNN - I Love twinkle lights too. The make me smile. I keep some in my backyard in my tangle of a garden all year. My daughter can look out her bedroom window and see them. Makes us smile. I wholehearted embrace all year round!!
LNF - completely agree. \"We\" (girls and I) are a family. I actually meant \"we\" as in me, exh + girls. I wasn\'t very clear. Thanks for the \"check\"!
Thx to everyone on the job confidence! I\'m going to use that -- still don\'t know what I will do! Stay tuned!