all messed up

well time is going by and i feel so confused and angry and frustrated over life and some things i could do to maybe change and i am not doing. got very disturbing news about dad last night. colleen called them last night about 8 and dad answered. they had my cousin and his wife came over and had brought dinner and visited at 5. he said to colleen that "jesus christ" we slept through dinner and he had to get up and get ready for bed. i now he was asleep but he knew colleen but he completely had no recollection of jimmy and dinner, said he better have a snack. ths has me very upset, tossed and turned. i know he has lost his memory in things, but is perfectly capable of doing everyday things and he takes care of mom. they refuse to move out of the house, i am worried sick.

i really cant stand my job, tried to updayte my resume messed it up and dont know what to do, another failure. i have to somehow get out of PC before it drives me totally over the edge. i had some words with my mother on sunday, well my dad, colleen had made a corned beef and cabbage anfd the works, brought it over to them and dad told me they had to through out the meat to tough. i watched her and dany eat it with just a fork. it sent me over, i said to both of them you are never satisfied with anything we do, all we hear is how wonderful jimmy is and anyone outside of family is, not us. im sick of it and said im done. my mother tried the guilt trip on me yesterday leaving a messag all sounding upset about how she didnt sleep and how upset she was all day thinking about the fact that we had words, it was just facts stated, and she didnt want anything in between us etc... BS. i had to call her when home and i made it short saying it was pointless to have gotten so upset over this, it is always the same anyways, somethng is always wrong i just finally said something. these things bother me and get my stress up, the memory thing upsets me because it is real.

i havent purged, bit during work, i barely eat, to worked up, but eat later, feeling fat and gross though i know i have lost weight, i may have gained some back. worried about today as there is a blizzard here and wont get exercise other then sloveling. ihave to stop complaining and whining, sorry all. many hugss