A year exactly..
I've had a lousy week and I couldn't figure out why. I was irritated at everything, moody, and just in a bad mood. Then it hit me. It was a year ago exactly when I came home from visiting my family and he was sitting on the porch waiting to tell me he moved out. My brain knew before I acknowledged it. My anniversary of starting my life alone, again, after 10 years of being together. I was sad but I know I am better off. Even though I'm alone, it's better than being with a man who cheated on me, took advantage in almost every way, and lied to me with every breath - as I found out after he left. I miss what should have been. And since I was already feeling depressed, started to wonder if that was it. My last relationship. I'll spend the rest of my life alone. And I hate that I feel something is missing. I should be totally ok being alone. I have everything I need. I wish I had more friends but that is so tough when you get older. I'm just feeling sorry for myself and I know it. I sat here and wondered if the date meant anything to him. Other than a Happy Birthday text from him a few months ago- which surprised me at the time, I haven't heard from him and really don't want to. His birthday is coming soon and I don't plan to return the gesture. I'm trying to tell myself this is it, it's now been a year, I've cried, mourned, been angry, felt sorry for myself, and I have to stop. I don't want my life and thoughts to include him anymore. I can't wipe out the last 11 years, they meant something. But I can work on not letting it be front and center anymore. I hope. I'm lucky that I don't have kids or anything that connects us so I doubt I will ever see him again. Which in some ways makes me sad but it's for the best. There are some people that are meant to pass out of your life forever. I am realistic enough to know I will still have moments, but I want them to be only that, moments and not days or weeks. Next year I will plan a trip during this time of year and try to make better memories. For this year, it will pass and life will go on.
Replies
Hugs my friend. You are being hard on yourself. Have that pity party. I have had a few of those lately too. It takes time and a lot of hard work to move on. Learn to love yourself and to be your own best friend. Do not heed to what people say. Let them talk. Imagine, wishing you a happy birthday. wow. Is he trying to keep his options open in case that current flavour of the month ditches him??? No contact is the way to go. Nothing, zip, nada. If you do see him, do not acknowledge him. Just smile, turn around and walk away. That will bother him more than anything you can say or do. Even if he does give you an explanation, would you believe him. I ran into that ex and his mommy the other day. I could not stop smiling. I did just that, turned around and walked away. You should have seen the angry look on their faces. priceless. And what is wrong with being single. Learn to embrace the freedom that goes with it. Go out on dates, to dinner, or whatever. Enjoy life. If you need to talk, we are here for you. Again Hugs. You are a smart, vibrant woman.
Thank you!