A Shoulder, an Ear or a Extended Hand ~
Family is a funny thing. Some times it's our best memories ... some times it's our worst hurt. Close ... distant ... somehow no matter what we always seem to be there when needed.
My brother got married in '86 by which time I had been married for 2 years and had a small son. Johnny & Sherry were young and an unexpected pregnancy pushed up plans. They got married in May and were expecting their baby in September. September seemed to be the month as my son was born in September as well. Just this September wasn't one we ever even imagined could happen.
They awaited their baby only to be told (in a very unprofessional, lack of empathy or compassion way) that their child had died. That Sherry would need to have labor induced and deliver her. It was a sad, heart breaking day. She was born. loved and kissed good-bye in that day.
They were married for 24 years of which time we of course cared for one another as sister in laws. When they divorced after that time, it's not as though you can divorce all those connections. Sherry was mother to my niece & nephews, we were friends for 24 years and divorcing my brother didn't change that. She was aunt to my son and loved him so much. A piece of paper and change in circumstances would never change that.
Last year Sherry's sister was told her cancer returned, had spread and that she would pass from that horrible disease. She married her long time boyfriend shortly before she died. Sherry loved Kelly so much that she loved seeing her so happy but dreaded what the future would bring. Kelly being worried about everyone more than herself told Sherry that she needed to take care of their mom and her son & grandchildren because she was all they had. When she passed Sherry thought she was ready but the emptiness, the pain, that void we all know hit hard.
In 7 days will be Kelly's first birthday in heaven. Sherry is struggling with all those feelings that are never really gone but tend to heighten on those anniversary dates, birthdays, memory days, holidays, etc. She wants to be strong for her mom - her dad -- her nephew and his kids but her heart is broken.
We chatted a bit tonight, sharing memories and just letting her know it's okay to talk about her, to cry about her, to miss her ... to love her. She said so many people don't want to speak her name but even if she cries she wants to talk about her. That really is the point ~ that in our life people love us, who will miss us when we are gone and keep us alive in their hearts & stories.
I sat here tonight crying - for Sherry ... for Kelly ... for Randy Lee ... tears of love. Sherry said something that made me realize ... although I know I've known it but it was a good reminder that it really doesn't matter who we loved, who has passed ~ those of us left here ache of not having them here. That unexplained void no matter how great you are at phrasing words, speaking your heart ... there's always that unspoken ache that you just can't describe.
Our lives are filled with people who are placed there for a reason. Each and every person - be it a positive or not so positive influence or mark - were placed there at that exact time and moment for a reason we may not understand until later.
Smiling through tears at the knowledge that Randy Lee loved and was loved but Sherry. That after all those years, even divorced she and Johnny have 4 children walking on this earth and one who watched over them in heaven all these years, who loved and were loved by myself & Randy Lee ~ that no court judgement or piece of paper changes that. Both Sherry & my brother have found new loves which is great. It doesn't change what I just said, it won't change we're still sisters in law and that it hurts to see her sad.
I have no idea why I wrote this tonight. :) I guess it's just the fact that hearing her love for Kelly made me miss Randy Lee just that much more. Sharing memories, sharing ways to pick up and move forward in this life without our loved ones here any longer ... that in the end being there speaks volumes and so much more than words can describe.
In the end we're all here on this earth for such a short period of time. All we have is one another. Being that ear that listens as we ache. Being that shoulder to let someone lean on as they try to find their footing. Being that person who even in their own pain, their own loss can extend a hand and say ... here, I know, I understand and I'll be your anchor until you can find your legs. In the end, we are all we have.
Be that anchor for someone. Reach out and let someone know that you understand, you're simply there to cry with them and hold them up if needed. Most of all, love .. love those who are passed ... those who are here ... and most of all ... yourself. Love yourself enough to allow yourself to do exactly what you need to do in order to continue forward. (((hugs)))
Happy Birthday in Heaven Kelly ~ If the love of your sister is any tribute to the life you led ~ you're amazing!
My brother got married in '86 by which time I had been married for 2 years and had a small son. Johnny & Sherry were young and an unexpected pregnancy pushed up plans. They got married in May and were expecting their baby in September. September seemed to be the month as my son was born in September as well. Just this September wasn't one we ever even imagined could happen.
They awaited their baby only to be told (in a very unprofessional, lack of empathy or compassion way) that their child had died. That Sherry would need to have labor induced and deliver her. It was a sad, heart breaking day. She was born. loved and kissed good-bye in that day.
They were married for 24 years of which time we of course cared for one another as sister in laws. When they divorced after that time, it's not as though you can divorce all those connections. Sherry was mother to my niece & nephews, we were friends for 24 years and divorcing my brother didn't change that. She was aunt to my son and loved him so much. A piece of paper and change in circumstances would never change that.
Last year Sherry's sister was told her cancer returned, had spread and that she would pass from that horrible disease. She married her long time boyfriend shortly before she died. Sherry loved Kelly so much that she loved seeing her so happy but dreaded what the future would bring. Kelly being worried about everyone more than herself told Sherry that she needed to take care of their mom and her son & grandchildren because she was all they had. When she passed Sherry thought she was ready but the emptiness, the pain, that void we all know hit hard.
In 7 days will be Kelly's first birthday in heaven. Sherry is struggling with all those feelings that are never really gone but tend to heighten on those anniversary dates, birthdays, memory days, holidays, etc. She wants to be strong for her mom - her dad -- her nephew and his kids but her heart is broken.
We chatted a bit tonight, sharing memories and just letting her know it's okay to talk about her, to cry about her, to miss her ... to love her. She said so many people don't want to speak her name but even if she cries she wants to talk about her. That really is the point ~ that in our life people love us, who will miss us when we are gone and keep us alive in their hearts & stories.
I sat here tonight crying - for Sherry ... for Kelly ... for Randy Lee ... tears of love. Sherry said something that made me realize ... although I know I've known it but it was a good reminder that it really doesn't matter who we loved, who has passed ~ those of us left here ache of not having them here. That unexplained void no matter how great you are at phrasing words, speaking your heart ... there's always that unspoken ache that you just can't describe.
Our lives are filled with people who are placed there for a reason. Each and every person - be it a positive or not so positive influence or mark - were placed there at that exact time and moment for a reason we may not understand until later.
Smiling through tears at the knowledge that Randy Lee loved and was loved but Sherry. That after all those years, even divorced she and Johnny have 4 children walking on this earth and one who watched over them in heaven all these years, who loved and were loved by myself & Randy Lee ~ that no court judgement or piece of paper changes that. Both Sherry & my brother have found new loves which is great. It doesn't change what I just said, it won't change we're still sisters in law and that it hurts to see her sad.
I have no idea why I wrote this tonight. :) I guess it's just the fact that hearing her love for Kelly made me miss Randy Lee just that much more. Sharing memories, sharing ways to pick up and move forward in this life without our loved ones here any longer ... that in the end being there speaks volumes and so much more than words can describe.
In the end we're all here on this earth for such a short period of time. All we have is one another. Being that ear that listens as we ache. Being that shoulder to let someone lean on as they try to find their footing. Being that person who even in their own pain, their own loss can extend a hand and say ... here, I know, I understand and I'll be your anchor until you can find your legs. In the end, we are all we have.
Be that anchor for someone. Reach out and let someone know that you understand, you're simply there to cry with them and hold them up if needed. Most of all, love .. love those who are passed ... those who are here ... and most of all ... yourself. Love yourself enough to allow yourself to do exactly what you need to do in order to continue forward. (((hugs)))
Happy Birthday in Heaven Kelly ~ If the love of your sister is any tribute to the life you led ~ you're amazing!
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