A really bad morning-extra dose
It's been a really bad anxiety morning. I have no idea why. we actually had a nice evening last night. I got all my homework done and picked up his meds and went to the grocery and had dinner ready when he got home at 7:30. He laughed and said he owed me an apology since he joked with co workers that it would be another microwave dinner night. It's true...I hate to cook. He enjoys it so I usually let him and am very content to do the clean up. Last night was the time change so we stayed up late watched a show together and cuddled on the couch playing video games.
So why does it hit me like a freight train this morning? I looked back in my journals and I had not had to take an extra dose since February. It's true that I have more anxiety during the winter months. I am not the cold weather girl and my biggest fear is being sick so with multiple illnesses going on all about me and the cold windy weather today maybe that is the only reason. Still it always seems strange when it hits out of the blue when things were going ok for a change.
It has started to calm down now but I feel lost and alone. There are a million things I should be doing today and I don't feel like doing any of them. I know it is a side effect of the anxiety but I am incapable of making the simplest of decisions today. Should I clean? Should I brave the wind and try and take Remi for a walk for although it is windy the sun is out.? Should I work on that knitting I have been meaning to get back to? Watch some shows to make room on the DVR? The bird feeders need filling. the wind has knocked over the potted tree...should I try and upright it and fill it with water hoping to stabilize it? I came here instead hoping that by getting it all out I might be able to push toward something that feels normal. I could go shopping but that defeats the whole being frugal thing. I finally broke down and turned on the heater this morning although I only set it to 68 to take the edge off.
He has gone to work now and I am alone til ten tonight. I have no friends here to speak of. My mom is having memory issues and is worrying that she may be developing alzheimers. She took out three different things for dinner not remembering that they had already discussed and decided on one thing earlier. I think maybe she is just bored and only hald paying attention since she is home all day with not much to do. Finding work at age 66 is not proving to be an easy task for her.
I know that tonight will come and I will feel more myself again and then be kicking myself in the ass for not getting anything accomplished today. I just can't seem to focus on any one thing.
So why does it hit me like a freight train this morning? I looked back in my journals and I had not had to take an extra dose since February. It's true that I have more anxiety during the winter months. I am not the cold weather girl and my biggest fear is being sick so with multiple illnesses going on all about me and the cold windy weather today maybe that is the only reason. Still it always seems strange when it hits out of the blue when things were going ok for a change.
It has started to calm down now but I feel lost and alone. There are a million things I should be doing today and I don't feel like doing any of them. I know it is a side effect of the anxiety but I am incapable of making the simplest of decisions today. Should I clean? Should I brave the wind and try and take Remi for a walk for although it is windy the sun is out.? Should I work on that knitting I have been meaning to get back to? Watch some shows to make room on the DVR? The bird feeders need filling. the wind has knocked over the potted tree...should I try and upright it and fill it with water hoping to stabilize it? I came here instead hoping that by getting it all out I might be able to push toward something that feels normal. I could go shopping but that defeats the whole being frugal thing. I finally broke down and turned on the heater this morning although I only set it to 68 to take the edge off.
He has gone to work now and I am alone til ten tonight. I have no friends here to speak of. My mom is having memory issues and is worrying that she may be developing alzheimers. She took out three different things for dinner not remembering that they had already discussed and decided on one thing earlier. I think maybe she is just bored and only hald paying attention since she is home all day with not much to do. Finding work at age 66 is not proving to be an easy task for her.
I know that tonight will come and I will feel more myself again and then be kicking myself in the ass for not getting anything accomplished today. I just can't seem to focus on any one thing.
Replies
\"I came here instead hoping that by getting it all out I might be able to push toward something that feels normal.\"
This is terrific and has helped me over time.
A \'To Do\' list may help. Just write down what you think needs to be done and then tick off items as you are able. I always am amazed at accomplishing more than I had awareness of before doing up a list.
((hugs))