"A Real Christian Wouldn't..."

That's what my sister Shirley always says if I confess to her that I'm having thoughts of self-harm. I've written a lot about Shirley (in the diary I had with an account which i later closed,and in letters to my caregivers and friends). Shirley has no freaking clue what it feels like to struggle with thoughts of self-hate. She told me years ago that she understood my illness and assured me I wouldn't have to continue to deal with it alone (that promise sure went out the window in a hurry)."If you don't get a grip,you'll end up in a mental institution for the rest of your life," she said more recently, like she's done such wonderful things with her own life.
Actually I've never written this before,but two people,my father and my sister Linda, told me I'd never amount to anything and would likely end up in an insane asylum. I've read books about breaking word curses that have been spoken over Christians (I wasn't a Christian at the time they said this,but I was just a little girl,twelve years old). Here I am in an assisted-living facility. I've been here for over 5 years. Shirley took all my household stuff,so I would have to buy all new things if I moved to my own apartment again. Not sure I can afford it.
To be continued...I'm getting tired.