A Little Worried
I was chatting with a friend earlier today when I realized something I inadvertently did. I was expressing concern over things I have to deal with tomorrow and already fearing and presuming the worst. Today I had to deal with the kid (who I am currently referring to as nimrod as he is annoying me more and more most of the time)
Tomorrow morning I have a 9am Dr appt scheduled for a routine visit that I scheduled since I am back from my vacation. I have a half a dozen things to bring up and I worry about what each one will entail. The thing is, I know this is my first and logical step... to bring things to light and see if there is reason for concern... if fixable... or if beyond hope and just have to grin and bear it. There is nothing I can do until then.... so why waste my time worrying? (I think my overwhelming desire to understand and predict is trying to take over.... but I know how that goes) After my appt, I am going in to work to do a half day and handle table changes and set up for Thursdays ad. Tomorrow I have 2 coworkers (1 older set in his ways who is Trumplike and doesn't mince his thoughts or words.... and the other ... the kid... Nimrod who usually drags unless it is something he likes to do) They don't get along so well... so I worry (BUT REFUSE TO play mediator and babysit) I have enough crap to deal with this week without having more stress and work.
So in effect, I have already convinced myself it will be a bad . scary day tomorrow. Being brave enough to bring things up , but then having to face the consequences on my own is a bit scary... Could use a hand to hold or an encouraging ear.... But I will survive. Usually do. wink. wink
Replies
You are grieving twice. I’m sorry. I think with time all those edges will smooth out. It’s just when you are in the thick of it, it feels impossible.
It doesn’t all have to all get done this second though. Even the health stuff, just handle what is the most immediate issue or the low hanging fruit that you can take care of easily.
Be easy on yourself.
I am so sorry for all of your pain. Grieving is a very difficult process. My dad passed in 2007 and I still have days where I'll burst out crying because I miss him so much. My youngest son has many of his mannerisms and I enjoy seeing my father in him but it also makes me think how much he'd love to see this mini-version of him. Certain songs, movies, foods also remind me of him and it can set the waterworks off. I know how difficult it is to be going through stuff in the house. Objects can contain memories, both joyful and painful and sometimes it feels like the person is still here and then we have to remind ourselves that they are gone. You have so much on your plate and I wish I could lessen your burden. You are such an amazing, giving, thoughtful woman and you deserve happiness. Loneliness is definitely a hard one to deal with during this pandemic. I know it's not the same as having someone right there with you but remind yourself you are not alone. You have touched so many on DS and we all love you dearly.
Thank you both so much .